The Female Writers That Inspire Me To Write

Today my sister and I decided to visit the local bookstore. I wandered to the poetry section. I was surprised to see a copy of my book “You Don’t Know Me” on the shelf. My sister was shocked as well. Feelings of sadness and despair washed over me as I picked up a copy of “You Don’t Know Me”. I just wish “You Don’t Know Me” was better it could of been so much better. I wonder if this is it? Will I ever get another book published? Am I doomed forever I wonder?

My sister decided to purchase a copy of Tupac Shakur’s poetry book “The Rose That Grew From Concrete”. I was impressed with Tupac’s poetry especially the poem about his close friend Jada Pinkett Smith. I decided to buy a book of selected poems by Emily Dickinson because I am a fan of her work.

I never really thought about writing until I started university. Very few male writers actually interest me and I don’t know why? The only male writers I have read a lot are James Baldwin and Langston Hughes perhaps its due to the black gay male connection? Most of the writers I read tend to be female. I was having a conversation with a friend the other day and he says I liked depressed and suicidal female writers a lot. I laughed I never thought about this before. I don’t think Evelyn Lau’s literary work is suicidal although her work does tend to be very depressing. Lau writes with such clarity about fractured male and female heterosexual relationships. I love Lau’s short story collection “Choose Me” every single story is written with great precision.

Lorraine Hansberry has a very special place in my heart because her play “A Raisin In The Sun” was the first broadway play produced by a black lesbian playwright. Although Hansberry had to conceal her lesbianism due to male supremacy and heterosexism. I gained an appreciation for theater when I read Hansberry’s work. Some people forget that Hansberry actually wrote a second successful play “The Sign In Sidney Bustein’s Window” ran for 100 performances and closed the night she died on March January 12th 1965.

I have read a few of E Lynn Harris books he’s certainly a good writer but he writes from a perspective I find a bit too much like a soap opera. I prefer to read books that are more pragmatic and realistic. Harris books are about rich blacks that have amazing jobs, always fly first class and basically are celebrities. I guess for some people they like this kind of fantasy writing but this doesn’t interest me. I do like Harris first novel “Invisible Life” I feel this is his best and most honest book. I wonder why Harris has never gotten the mainstream attention that Terry McMillan has? Harris book sales are incredible he sells a ton of books and yet none of his books have been made into movies yet. I wonder why?

I wouldn’t say I only like reading works by female writers and poets that are depressed. Emily Dickinson was an incredible poet. My favorite poem by Dickinson is “The Chariot”. Dickinson became reclusive later on in her life and may have suffered from depression. Although I feel a connection to this form of writing. I will admit I love Angelina Weld Grimke’s poetry and yes her poetry does tend to be depressing but so honest and true. I also love Evelyn Lau’s poetry she is a young Canadian feminist writer and poet. Lau actually is very famous in Canada she because a superstar in the Canadian literary world at the tender age of eighteen in the year 1989.

Of course I cannot forget about Zora Neale Hurston she’s perhaps the most controversial writer I have ever read in my life. Hurston’s memoir “Dust Tracks On A Road” is pure fiction. A lot of scholars have bashed Hurston for writing her autobiography. It is true Zora does lie about her age, where she was born, and a few other things. However, some scholars ignore the fact Zora’s publisher had the ultimate control she wasn’t able to publish everything she had written on her own terms.

Evelyn Lau’s first book “Runaway: Diary Of A Street Kid” is a depressing tale about the two years she spent living on the streets of Vancouver as a prostitute. Lau wrote a second memoir in 2001 “Inside Out A Reflection Of A Life So Far” looking back on her past experiences. Lau also explores about the turmoil she endured in her life dealing with father figures, the literary battle with an ex lover, eating disorders, depression, and about the present. The odd thing about Evelyn Lau is she always ignores the issue of race in her writing. In Lau’s fiction and sometimes even in her non fiction she always concentrates on white society. I am also interested in learning about Lau’s views about race from an Asian Canadian woman’s perspective.

I have a fascination with Anne Sexton I never understood why Sylvia Plath is considered more famous then Sexton? I always felt Anne Sexton was a bit underrated and she was the superior poet.

I used to be a big Terry McMillan fan until I realized this woman is bat crazy and bonkers and not in a good way. Terry’s last novel “The Interruption of Everything” was so sloppy and poorly written. The characters weren’t developed enough, the narrative was slow and the book dragged a bit.

Two writers that I read often are Makeda Silvera and Dionne Brand. Silvera and Brand are both black Canadian lesbians and they both have been instrumental in bringing the black lesbian experience to the masses. Silvera used to run her own publishing company in the 1990s called “Sister Visions Press”. Brand is one of Canada’s most successful black woman writers ever. Brand’s poetry is just amazing but I love her fiction and non fiction works too.

My poetry was published In The January 2008 Issue Of The Wilderness House Literary Review

I should of mentioned this earlier but this month my poetry was published in the United States. The Wilderness House Literary Review is an online poetry journal based in Littleton Massachusetts. My poetry was published in the January 2008 issue of the Wilderness House Literary Review.

Although, I was not paid for my work it is a nice that somebody out there likes my poetry. Poetry can be very subjective its all about whether the editors like your work or not. Six poems were published in the current issue of the Wilderness House Literary Review. It feels good that the poetry editor likes my poetry. I notice my poetry is an acquired taste I guess. It gives me confidence that people actually like my work because I sometimes have difficulty with self doubt. I am introducing myself to new audiences. I think these new poems are better and demonstrate my growth as a poet and an artist.

Here is the link to the Wilderness House Literary Review:

http://www.whlreview.com/

Mr. Procrastination

I admit it I am Mr. procrastination. I always tell myself that I’m going to do something and then I forget about it for the longest time. Today I am drafting a list of all the things I want to try to do in 2008. I won’t put the pressure on about finding a publisher in 2008 because that’s a lot of pressure. I think the important thing for me in 2008 is to be effective.

I also tend to say I am going to do something and then eventually get around to doing it at the last minute. Although, I already have one book published “You Don’t Know Me” I didn’t appreciate the way TSAR published the poetry volume in 2005. At least I have a professional credit and the book is available in libraries. When I think about it 2005 is almost three years ago it is time to move on. I will never have that first experience again but maybe I can have better experiences the next time around.

It is time to move on from that painful experience. Just because I had one bad experience doesn’t mean every other experience with writing is going to be bad. I need an attitude adjustment ASAP! I tend to get down on myself when bad things happen. I am cognizant of having these negative feelings and emotions. Sometimes I think the negative thoughts surround me and I allow these negative thoughts to control me. I have to break the cycle. I am aware of the patterns this vicious cycle that has entered my mind and I doubt myself. I guess everyone has doubts? I will be honest I definitely think will I ever get another book published? I have this thought a lot.

I received a letter from a fellow writer in November 2007 and he told me to never surrender. Sometimes it is hard because a lot of the time a writer is waiting. You are either waiting for an e-mail or letter of acceptance for publication or a letter or e-mail for rejection. I also realize nobody owes me anything. It is harsh but true the editor or publisher either likes my work or he or she doesn’t. So it is my job to make sure my work is polished. The waiting game can be psychologically, emotionally, and physically exhausting. However, when I receive an e-mail of acceptance it makes everything worth while. It gives me the courage to not give up.

I guess everyone has doubts. Sometimes I wonder am I good enough? Why is it taking so long to receive a response? I always send S.A.S.E. with my submissions because I know publishers will throw your work in the garbage if you don’t send S.A.S.E. I also always send international reply coupons as well.

My printer is acting up again! I hate when that happens! I think I need some new computer ink.I know it sounds corny but I got to keep on trying. Isn’t that corny? So its time to move on from that negative experience and I am looking for a new publisher to republish “You Don’t Know Me”. I also have a second poetry manuscript completed and I am conducting a lot of research. Let me tell you it is so hard to get a poetry book published. Poetry isn’t considered a money maker in the book industry unless you are famous. Everyone knows that I am certainly not famous. I am just an ordinary man that has a love for poetry. For the past two years I have tried and tried to get another poetry book published only to encounter rejection. I still haven’t given up on poetry because I have a passion for it I love to sit and write out my thoughts on paper. I love to read my poetry aloud it is a very soothing experience.

I am still sending my poetry out to magazines, literary journals but I am going to focus less on poetry in 2008. My poetry was published in a literary journal and an anthology in 2007. I have decided I am going to leave poetry behind for a bit. I am now going to concentrate on a manuscript that I had written over three years ago yet it has been collecting dust in my drawer.

I have this fear about fiction writing I can admit it. Fiction is my weakness I haven’t written a lot of fiction. I only had one short story published and that was five years ago. I tend to write mostly non fiction such as poetry, essays, opinion pieces, and features articles. I feel more comfortable with this form of writing then with fiction. However, I’ve decided that I’m going to try in 2008 to find a publisher for my novel.

A few years ago I bought the Writer’s Market Literary agent book and I will be honest I didn’t find the book very helpful. One reason was a lot of the agents in the book simply were not looking at new writers. Of course, I realize the Writers Market book is only one book to find an agent.

In Canada, one of the problems here is that there are simply very few literary agents. The Canadian book industry is very small. The Canadian publishing industry is kind of pretentious in the sense it is all about literary fiction. You know the drill a lot of Margaret Atwood and her clones. I find Canadian writing so boring it just doesn’t interest me. The way I write I know that it would work with an American publisher. The Canadian book industry also has a very myopic attitude towards black writers. One literary agent told that the Canadian book industry thinks blacks don’t sell and that we don’t read.

The United States book industry has a much larger black book market. I won’t make the mistake I made a few years ago. I think the USA is the way to go! The dilemma is most of the literary agents in Canada will only work with seasoned pros because these writers are already established. So I have decided I’m not even going to bother looking for a Canadian literary agent. I am going to look for an American literary agent.I thought about looking for a UK literary agent too? I am going to think about the English language world I don’t know why I wasted so much time thinking about Canada?

I am still going to research on the internet. I was thinking about buying a book on literary agents. I think tomorrow or perhaps next week I will visit the public library or bookstore? I already know a few things to watch out for. The literary agents that charge fees for a manuscript evaluations are agents I will avoid like the plague. Also, I realize even if I do find a literary agent there is no guarantee he or she can sell my book? I am also thinking about conducting more research on small press publishers in North America as well. Also, I need to find a literary agent that is gay positive because the novel I have written deals with homosexuality. I definitely don’t want an agent that is homophobic or has a problem with gay writers.

Do you ever question your own decisions and have doubts?

Should I enter a journalism program? I keep on thinking about that. I wonder would it give me an edge? I feel like I’m getting too old to return back to school. I have  been having this ongoing conversation with myself inside my mind. It is this  constant tug of war. Part of me feels like maybe it would “help” and another part of me feels like I should be spending more time actually acquiring more “experience.” I don’t know what to do? I’m getting old I’m not getting any younger.

Next, I say to myself school isn’t everything experience also counts. Now this year I have been “gaining” more experience but not the payoff. Toronto is an extremely competitive media market. I did finally get my first professional radio credit this year when  my documentary “The Good Son” was broadcast on CBC radio in May. I’m very interested in radio and I’ve thought about expanding my experience in this area. 

 I’m interested in so many things. I’ve thought about taking a screenwriting course next year, I’ve thought about that a  lot. I thought about completing that novel that I have procrastinated about finishing. Well actually the rough draft is complete its all about finding the right “editor” to edit it. I want to get another volume of poetry published. I am so sick of being a one book writer!

 I already have a BA degree but I have been wondering lately if that’s enough? I secretly think to myself how the hell do some people get published in the LA Times or the NY Times? I really want to know? I’ve been to media journalism websites such as the webiste http://www.mediabistro.com  and asked for advice.

Anne Sexton Was An Amazing Poet

          I remember when I was in high school  a good friend of mine introduced me to the singer Vanessa Daou. Daou’s first album “Zipless” incorproates  Erica Jong’s poetry with music. The hit song off of “Zipless” is Sunday Afternoons. I love this song I recall playing the song  over, and over, and over, and over, again. Vanessa went on to explore other musical sounds such as smooth jazz, trip hop, electronica on other albums.

 The first time I was introduced to “Anne Sexton” was a song on “Zipless”  called “Dear Anne Sexton”. “Dear Anne Sexton” is actually a poem Erica Jong wrote about her friend.  I kept on wondering as I listened to “Dear Anne Sexton” over and over again who was Anne Sexton? Why did Erica Jong decide to write a poem about her? I think the poem is a tribute to her. I remember visiting the public library and researching Anne Sexton because I wanted to know more about her. I began reading  the volume of poetry by Sexton called “To Bedlam And Part Way Back” immersing myself into Sexton’s world. I also read another volume of poetry by Sexton called “Love Poems”.  Anne Sexton was born in the year 1928 in Newton Massachusetts. Sexton had a history of depression for most of her life but she found solace through writing.

I definitely find internal peace when I have something interesting to write about. Perhaps this is one of the reasons I identify with Sexton? I only tend to write my poetry when I am depressed. Isn’t that strange? Anyhow, when I write poems I tend to be confessional. I cannot write about a flower, or a bug, or a plant. I cannot just “write” a poem. Something in my life has to push me or even force me to write poetry. I have to have conviction when I write poetry there is no other way for me to write poems. Now of course, I know I can improve my poetry I will definitely admit that. Perhaps I am afraid to write poetry? I get insecure and I wonder is my poetry any good? I don’t know these thoughts race through my mind.  I know other poets can just “write” a poem at any moment with free will but I cannot. I never write my poetry that way. I usually grab a piece of paper sit down and I think about what I want to write about.

I usually just write a quick first rough draft. After that I will rewrite the poem over and over.  I usually get my good friend to listen to my poems and he will tell me if he likes it or not.  Its so funny because my friend will be silent and then he will say “oh Orville this is really good or oh this can be improved to or oh this sucks”. I really value his opinion so much because he’s honest with me about my work. I can pretty brutal and extremely critical about myself its one of my major flaws.

 Most of the poetry I write is autobiographical I’m not going to lie about that. I hate when writers say “oh my work isn’t autobiographical or it doesn’t have any autobiographical elements.” Its like give me a break.  Perhaps this is true but I think with poetry the poet is “closer” to the “material” then say when a writer writes a novel. I think poetry is one of the most “real” forms of writing because the poet is trying to “send” a message to the “reader” and its up to the reader to discern what the poet is trying to say.  In some ways I feel poetry is one of the most honest forms of writing even more honest then the autobiography or the memoir.  A poem is like a picture at first it is a blank canvas that needs to painted in, coloured with the essence of the poet’s life experiences. I think that’s one of the fun parts about poetry there are so many interpretations to a poem. 

 I think when when I write I take my life experiences and in some way it can become a sentence, a phrase, or paragraph in a poem. Of course, I also write poems that are pure fiction but in my first poetry collection  “You Don’t Know Me” most of the poems were mostly autobiographical. I mean why should I lie to readers about that? Its pretty obvious to anyone that bothers to read “You Don’t Know Me” that this volume deals with a lot of painful experiences I had in my life when I was younger. Even though “You Don’t Know Me” is out of print now I wonder if people still read it? Well that’s another blog entry isn’t it?

I gained a lot of appreciation for Anne Sexton because of her fearlessness. Sexton challenged the American literary industry in the sense she brought the issues of gender to the masses. Sexton was indeed very popular in her lifetime in North America and in the United Kingdom.   I really feel a connection to Erica Jong’s poem about the poet “Anne Sexton”. I don’t think Anne Sexton gets the credit she deserves.

Everyone talks about Sylvia Plath she definitely is considered more “famous” then Anne Sexton. I wonder why Plath was more “famous”? I don’t get it?  I never felt a connection to Plath although she definitely was a solid poet. I remember when I was a kid I loved reading Emily Dickinson’s poetry a lot.  I always felt I had a connection to Anne Sexton’s poetry I just loved the way Sexton used language. Sexton’s poetry in my mind had much more “urgency” and power. 

Erica Jong even uses the line “Live or Die” in her poem “Dear Anne Sexton”. Anyone that has read Anne Sexton’s poetry knows that Sexton won the Pulitzer Prize in 1967 for her powerful confessional poetry collection “Live or Die”.  If you ever get the chance read “Live or Die” its such a great read. Sexton is a confessional poet the emotion, passion, frustration, and anger, from her poetry moves me. Its sad that Anne Sexton is not respected as a “premier” American female poet as Plath. Sexton was more controversial she wrote about abortion, depression, suicide, death, menstruation, and other topics in the 1950s and 1960s.

Anne Sexton and Sylvia Plath were actually “friends” there have been rumors about the “nature” of their friendship may have had an undercurrent of lesbianism but perhaps that’s just mythology? There is no “proof” of a “lesbian relationship” between Plath and Sexton even though the rumour still exists after all these years.The truth is though Sexton and Plath did meet at a poetry workshop in Boston in the 1950s and became friends. After Plath died Anne Sexton even wrote a poem about Plath. 

     Another poetry collection by Anne Sexton that I love is called “Transformations” in this volume Sexton takes classic fairy tales and puts her own “twist” on them. “Transformations” is a very interesting read. Sexton committed suicide in the year 1974 but she will never be forgotten. If you ever get a chance go to the library and read Anne Sexton’s poetry you will shocked by the incredible power, imagery, sadness, and honesty of her poems.