LA Complex Mid Season Finale: Is Kal & Tariq’s Relationship Just Entertainment Or Reinforcing Racist Stereotypes About Black Gay Men?
I am concerned about the representation of Kal and Tariq’s relationship on LA Complex. I am cognizant that Kal is a rapper in the closet but why does Kal and Tariq’s relationship have to be abusive? Why does Kal beat Tariq that’s not love that’s domestic violence!
Why are black men being depicted as violent? I think violence at the end is weird and abhorrent!
Why does Kal have to be a rap artist? I think that’s just lazy writing so a black gay man has to be on the down low? Give me a break! Why couldn’t Kal and Tariq be country western singers or something else? I don’t know but the whole hip hop industry thing reeks of racism.
One argument is the writers of LA Complex are illustrating gay relationships can be toxic and violent just like heterosexual relationships.
However, since there is a paucity of black gay men on television aren’t the LA Complex writers reinforcing racist and sexist stereotypes about black gay men?
Are the writers of LA Complex trying to say black gay love is violent? Would the writers of LA Complex write a white gay couple in this negative light? I doubt two white gay guys would have a violent relationship on Canadian television.
White homosexual characters in films and on television are depicted as loving and romantic. By contrast, a black gay couple’s relationship is depicted as abusive which makes me sick!
I abhor violence and to see Tariq in a pool of blood at the end of the scene makes me want to vomit!
LA Complex New Gay Kissing Scene: Kal Is Cruel To Tariq Because He Is Closeted But Claims He Still Loves Him!!!
Last week, I complained that LA Complex stereotypes gay black men. I was disappointed about the whole down low rapper storyline. Most gay black men are not rappers or musicians just regular people.
Now I have changed my mind. I think Kal and Tariq dysfunctional relationship is interesting drama. For some gay black men it is difficult to come out of the closet due to homophobia inside the black community. I think this story can help us black folks to have more dialogue about homosexuality.
The second scene in the studio Kal tries to act hard and create this persona that he is a heterosexual man is shocking.
Kal is hypocritical he is pretending to be straight yet treating Tariq like shit is disappointing yet real.
However, Kal is scared by his attraction to Tariq so he treats him badly. I think Tariq will have to decide whether he wants to deal with Kal`s internalized homophobia. It is refreshing to see two young gay black men on Canadian television! I hope the writers continue to expand the characters make them more real and not stereotype them.
In the final scene, my heart melted when Kal showed some vulnerability and admitted that he is attracted to Tariq.
By the way the kiss at the end of the last scene is so hot!!!
Leonardo Dicaprio & David Thewlis Gay Kiss scene from the 1995 film Total Eclipse.
I love this scene from the 1995 gay film Total Eclipse because Leonardo and David really gave everything in this scene. The gay kiss is powerful and very erotic.
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Poem: Impossible Love By Orville Lloyd Douglas
Sometimes I wonder as I stare into the turbulent night’s sky
Is he real or does he have a heart of stone?
Wondering if it wasn’t meant to be?
Honesty is more painful than being in limbo
His words burns like fire and scars my spirit and soul
Yet I am attracted to this flame that hurts
This light that once burned bright that stings
This desire that is now extinguished
But why?
What was so special about him anyway?
This sunburst that causes confusion and doubt
Sometimes I think about his brown skin, his hairy chest, his strong legs, his dark lips, next to mine
Sometimes I ponder as I twist and turn in my bed reaching out for him
Sometimes I wake up realizing it was just a mirage or a vision
Are his sentences filled with dissemblance and veracity or lies?
Sometimes I realize this will never be
His words are deleterious the calm before the storm
What if? What if?
Was the conclusion inevitable like a detour or a road block?
Can we survive the war of our families?
Navigate the bullets of self preservation?
Dodging the questions about the truth?
What if?
What if?
Sometimes I understand with my heart instead of my head
Wondering
What if?
What if?
I Miss Him
I miss him I have to tried to be strong and confident to just forget about him but I can’t. I have been given advice to just “forget about him and move on”. I wish it was so simple but of course it is not. I had known this man for almost six years he has a very special place in my heart. We were just friends for most of the six years until we crossed the line and became more then friends this spring and summer. I guess we were always attracted to each other I wonder to myself “why did we cross the line?” We resisted the temptation for almost six years so why didn’t we just resist it even more? I guess I don’t have the answer to that one.
The last time I saw him was on October 1st 2008 because we weren’t able to meet on my birthday on September 26th. He was so sweet he bought he the Golden Girls seasons I and II on DVD. I was very surprised that he bought me the Golden Girls for my birthday.
Maybe he was just being nice? I guess I haven’t contacted him because I don’t know what to say to him. I guess he hasn’t contacted me because he doesn’t want me to read too much into it? Perhaps this is the reason he hasn’t contacted me? He is not very loquacious he seems to send messages through his actions and not words. I wish he would be more open with me.
If he has moved on to someone else this is fine this is a part of life that I must accept but I am tired of wondering “what if” and this is the reason I have written this blog entry. I just want to move on with my life.
He also bought me a small brass guitar that fits on my key chain on Saturday I lost the golden guitar and that sucks. I looked everywhere for the brass guitar and I can’t find it.
On October 1st 2008 we also watched the movie “Lakeview Terrace”. He paid for the dinner after the movie and drove me home and that was the last time I saw him. The Golden Girls is my favorite TV show of all time! I have finished watching seasons I and II of the Golden Girls. I now have to buy seasons three through season seven I am addicted to the Golden Girls!
However, I wish we had talked about the miscommunication between us. If we talked more openly on October 1st I could of had closure and moved on I guess. I wish I had the courage to speak more freely. I asked him “did you miss me” he said “I thought of you”. We didn’t talk about the real issues. He basically vanished after that day.
I have thought of many scenarios in my mind I thought about visiting him at his house but I immediately changed my mind because he is not out of the closet to his family. He is from a very conservative South Asian family.
I haven’t seen him in three weeks and the last time we communicated was via text on October 6th 2008. I admit that I do miss him but I don’t know what to say to him? I feel like I want closure though. I think to myself “why do I want to talk to him again? What will this achieve? What will contacting him accomplish? What will happen? Shouldn’t I just turn the page and move on?”
I feel that maybe I should try contacting him one last time. I dial the digits until I reach the last number I stop myself from calling him. I think to myself “well he’s not calling me so this must be the message the silence”. The silence could be the answer and I have to accept this?
I also wonder maybe he doesn’t want to talk to me anymore? Maybe he has already moved on? Maybe I should leave him alone? I don’t want look foolish or silly so I haven’t contacted him at all. Does he even care about me anymore? Maybe I am a distant memory in his mind? Maybe he just wants to move on with his life?
I have thought about calling him but I change my mind over and over again. I wonder will he even respond? Will he ignore my phone call? I guess this is the reason I haven’t contacted him because I am afraid.
I have thought about sending him a text message but then I wonder will he simply “delay” his response? Will he even respond at all ? Should I bother trying at all? I do miss him though but I don’t want to be a bother to him. He has a lot of friends anyway I guess he cares more about them then he does about me.
I Have Given Up On Him: Time To Move On
Of course, I don’t want to admit the truth but it is obvious that I am tired of this guy’s emotional games and it seems he isn’t interestred in me anymore. I guess this is life. I am also tired of his bullshit all the smokes and mirrors. He doesn’t love me and I don’t need someone in my life that is vague.
I also realize he loves attention from gay men he has admitted this to me. I remember he told me a few times there is a South Asian guy at the local university that is interested in him. He claims he isn’t fucking this guy but he is just telling me what he thinks I want to hear. Obviously something is going on between them or between him and someone else. But hey that’s his issue right?
When I told him that he should not “lead” the other South Asian guy on he said “so what it is not my fault if he doesn’t understand I just want to be his friend.” But when I told him it wasn’t right for him to “lead” the other South Asian guy on he said he “loves attention and it is “just fun”. But is it right? I believe it is not right to play with another person’s feelings and emotions. It is not right to lead another person on. I wouldn’t do that to someone I cared about. I should of looked at the warning signals and the red flags sooner.
He said once during a phone conversation “I am not perfect.” However, he admits he is manipulative. The question remains why does he act like this? Is it because he has low self esteem and not enough self worth? Perhaps he feels the “need” for attention from gay men to validate himself because he doesn’t have high self esteem? Whatever that’s his issue not mine. I guess he contacted me in late September early October not because he cared about me but because he wasn’t getting enough attention from another man. And I guess once he got the attention he wanted from the other guy he vanished.
I know he doesn’t care about me because I haven’t heard from him in almost a week. I have tried in the past to keep in contact with him but it wasn’t until last week Monday I realized he was just stringing me along. He sees this as just “a game” to play with my “feelings and emotions.” Of course I view this as disrespectful and I won’t put up with that shit anymore.
Yes, on October 1st I saw him and he took me out for my birthday. Although, I must mention my birthday is actually September 26th but that’s not the point. It was nice seeing him on October 1st but it also was bittersweet because we did not talk about the “real” issues between us. What is he so afraid of anyway? I hate making assumptions but I am guessing he was “afraid” of hurting my feelings telling me he met someone else. I don’t know? What I do know is I am sick and tired of the guessing game.
On October 1st I met up with him at the subway station and he gave me my birthday gift seasons I and 2 of the Golden Girls! I was so surprised because the Golden Girls is my favorite television show! The Golden Girls is very camp so that’s why I think the show is very popular with gay men. The jokes are just so funny and hilarious.
We went back to his cargo van to talk and he gave me a golden guitar that I put on my key chain. I think the gifts are wonderful and very thoughtful because he knows the Golden Girls is my favorite sitcom! Dorothy, Blanche, Rose, and Sophia have a special place in my heart. The program is hilarious. On the second season DVD there is an episode called “Isn’t it Romantic?” it is about Dorothy’s old friend Jean she is a lesbian and she tells Dorothy she is in love with Rose. I swear that episode is my favorite Golden Girls episode ever! I laughed so hard whenever I watch this episode. The episode “isn’t it romantic?” won an Emmy award because the episode dealt with the sensitive issue of lesbianism in such an honest way without being homophobic. Remember the Golden Girls was a hit in 1985 that was a long time ago!
We watched the movie Lakeview Terrace the Samuel L Jackson movie at 7:00pm it was very predictable and not that great a film. After the movie he said “you are in charge what do you want to do next?” So I said “okay let’s go downtown to Frans on College street and eat.” He paid for dinner I thought that was sweet and he drove me home. We danced around talking about the unresolved issues between us. I wish we had used that oppportunity to talk it was first time I had seen him in over a month.
I have tried talking to him. I recall a few weeks ago on a Thursday night I called him and he said “don’t diagnose me”. I wasn’t trying to make a “diagnosis” I was simply trying to find out how he feels. It is so frustrating trying to talk to a man that simply will not open up about his feelings. Does he have a heart of stone I wonder? Does he not have feelings or emotions? He acts so cold sometimes this is one of the reasons I have given up. I want a man that can open up to me, that doesn’t play bullshit games, that is honest and gives frank clear answers. I am tired of this bullshit.
It has taken me a while to understand this is just a “game” this push and pull bullshit. I am sick of it.
He is not out of the closet and his family doesn’t know that he is gay. He has become very involved with a South Asian group at the local university and that consumes a lot of his time. Since I am not South Asian I am guessing he is utilizing the South Asian group as a way to find support. I do recall in the summer he told me that his father has suggested he wants him placed in an arranged marriage with a woman. He told me his family has not found a bride yet so I guess that’s good news. The point is his family is definitely thinking about marrying him off to a woman in the next few years though. I have been given advice to not worry about this that it has nothing to do with me. Of course I care though about him.
It is so strange because I have known him for over five years but since we crossed the line of sin from being “just friends” to “dating” to “not dating” he has become more reticent about his feelings towards me. You would think knowing someone for over five long years that he would be comfortable enough to tell me how he feels. I guess he was just being “nice” taking me out for my birthday. Of course he didn’t have to but I guess he wanted to. The point is he vanished for a few days after I saw him on October 1st. Why did he bother to show up at all? Was it guilt? Was it because he wanted to? I wonder?
My sister said to me “why do you like him? What is so special about him anyway?” My sister says he is a “waste of my time” and he is “not honest.” She also says “you can do much better Orville. ” Maybe my sister is right? What is the point anymore?
He is all about “signals” and not about “frank clear answers”. I understand now I have to discern from his “actions” of being silent that he is keeping his distance from me. I haven’t heard from him since Monday October 6th. I am so tired of this push and pull bullshit. I have to move on I have had enough.
The point is I think he should have the guts to talk to me in a public place and tell me how he really feels. But perhaps the silence is the real answer. What is the point of making assumptions? I haven’t contacted him since he contacted me Monday morning via text because I feel like “why should I?” “What is the point anymore?” I can’t stand the “delayed responses” and all the bullshit. I can’t stand contacting him wondering “when” he will respond. I think it is so rude to take two fucking days to respond to a text! It is total bullshit! I don’t like playing games, and I prefer frank clear answers.
In early September he said does not want “a committed relationship”. He believes a “committed relationship” means monogamy. I have never been “monogamous” to anyone in my life ever. I never asked for a “committed relationship” from him either. All I have acknowledged is that I have feelings for him. We did go out with each other but he has issues with intimacy.
I am still trying to get my own life together. I honestly believe he has a fear of getting close to another man he has conflicts with his own homosexuality. And that’s a red flag right there. I realize I do need to be with someone that is totally comfortable with being gay. He sometimes changes the topic when this emerges but I honestly believe he is not accepting of his sexual orientation. So maybe it is the best that I never contract him again. Again what is the point? I am so tired of moving in circles.
The gay male community is a strange place where gay men value our sexual freedom. It is hard for some straight people to understand. I never stopped him from having sex with someone else the point is I couldn’t anyway right? I think he has a fear of intimacy though. I know it is hard for some women to understand but there is a difference between “love” and “sex”. “Love” is an emotional plus a physical connection two people have for each other. In my mind “sex” is a physical connection and attraction it is about a physical release. I can have “sex” with someone without being “in love” with the person. However, I cannot just have an “emotional connection” to just anybody that’s just not the kind of person I am.
I don’t know totally what I want but what I do know is that I can’t just be his “friend”. I admit it I lied to him I told him a few weeks ago we can be “just friends” but I can’t “just” be his “friend” I have feelings for him. I wish I didn’t have feelings for him but I do. I honestly wish I did not have feelings for him because I don’t understand him anymore. I feel that he has changed.
What I don’t understand is why did he go all out for me for my birthday and then vanish? It doesn’t make sense? Why spend so much money on the Golden Girls DVD seasons 1 and 2? Why did he get me the golden guitar key chain at all? Why did he spend money to pay for dinner? Why did he drive me home? Why did he vanish? Why did he bother at all? Seriously, if he didn’t care about me it doesn’t make things easier for me to understand what is going on? Perhaps the silence is the real answer the truth about how he really feels about me?
I am so tired of making “assumptions” of wondering “why” so I have given up on him that’s it. It has been almost a week since I have heard from him and I just have to tell myself he is gone forever and that I must move on. I don’t like this vanishing game he is playing it is irritating and annoying. It is also very immature as well.
October 1st was the first time I had seen him in about a month. I asked him if he “missed me” he said “I thought about you.” When he parked the car by my house I extended my hand to give him a handshake and he gave me a hug.
I contacted him the Saturday on October 4th because I felt it was right to thank him for the gifts via text. He did not respond until two days later Monday morning on October 6th. He says in the first text that he had “forgotten my cell phone at home by mistake when I was at the fair.”
I just don’t believe him I find this very lame excuse and very hard to believe. The reason I say this is because he always has his cell phone on him. He has a best friend a girl and she has been his best friend since he was nine years old. I doubt very much he would ever “forget” his cell phone and not a day goes by that he never contacts her! It seems to me this girl is “his life” he is very excited that she attends the local university. I asked him on October 1st if he is “in love” with her. Maybe that’s the reason he is so conflicted about his sexuality it seems to me maybe he is bisexual or something it seems to me he loves this girl. He would never “vanish” from her life for over a week but he treats me this way. He would “never” not make a day go by not “contacting” her but he treats me like a second fiddle.
Of course, his best friend the girl is a higher priority in his life then I will ever be. I understand and accept this. I cannot compete with the girl I know I will lose she is his best friend she is basically his life it seems. I just think it is so lame for him to lie to me telling me he had “forgotten” his cell phone at home. He must be lying it makes no sense. He loves his cell phone! So I wonder why would he lie to me? What is the point of lying at all? I bet he talks to the girl every single day or texts her every single day yet he treats me with such disdain.
However, I never asked him for his reasons for the delayed response. I realized that moment “what is the point anymore?” It sucks because I have known him for so long but this is not what I want. I don’t need this heartache and this pain. I don’t need this anymore. I know it hurts right now but I realize I must maintain my vow to never contact him ever again it just isn’t worth it.
I don’t need someone in my life that is vague, evasive, and full of smokes and mirrors. I don’t need a vanishing man that suddenly appears and disappears without giving a reason. I don’t know what’s going on in his life because he hasn’t told me. Of course I care about him but I have to think about myself here. It will be tough letting go but what point is there? He doesn’t love me it is obvious through his actions, through not contacting me. It is so easy to text, e-mail, and call. Yes, I have tried to reach out to him but I have done enough. I can do no more.
I have given up on him maybe this is for the best. I am not happy about the decision I made last week Monday but I have to do this. I understand he will never change no point in trying to make a man change.
There is no point for me to try to be “in contact” with him when he doesn’t make the effort to be “in contact” with me. I accept the fact he is gone. I am tired of his emotional games, I am tired of the rollercoaster of feelings and emotions. I am sick of his bullshit. I have had enough. I am sad but I guess it is a part of life. I thought we had a “connection” I guess I was just kidding myself. What is the point moving in circles over and over again? We have nothing anymore he is gone. I have to accept this and move on with my life.
South Asian Man’s Black Wife Allegedly Murdered By His Father
Oh my goodness I just heard about a tragic tale about interracial love that ended in murder in Atlanta. When people talk about racial tensions it is usually between people of colour and the majority. Yet the question has to be asked, why does the public ignore the racism between communities of colour? For instance, in Canada and the United States there is racial tension between the blacks, Asians, Hispanics, and Native American communities.
In the Caribbean, in Trinidad and Tobago, and Guyana the racial tensions between the blacks and South Asian populations are intense. Just because blacks and South Asians tend to have a darker skin tone doesn’t mean our cultures, histories, languages, values, aren’t different? Why is there this reticence to the racial divide? Can healing take place?
The story goes like this a young South Asian man fell in love with a young African American woman woman at his workplace. After the courtship the couple had a child and got married. However, tragedy emerges when the black wife is brutally murdered. Rumors are swirling in Atlanta that the father of the South Asian man was the mastermind behind the murder here is the link:
http://ap.google.com/article/ALeqM5h7g2ACI64AF0_VlASOV9yDXgpLTAD91BEP280
Gayblackcanada 
