Does Anyone Know Any Publishers Are Accepting Poetry Manuscripts?

Okay, it has been over three years since my first book “You Don’t Know Me” was published and the frustration is only growing. Several new poems have already been published one poem “Dear Langston Hughes” was published in the anthology “Seminal” by Arsenal Pulp Press in 2007. However, I have completed a second poetry manuscript and I want it published. Does anyone knows about any publishers  are accepting poetry manuscripts let me know?

I have already submitted poems to various literary journals and I managed to get a few poems published this year. I have read the Writer’s Market, and the Poets Market.  I already mailed poetry manuscripts  to publishers and I will send out some more next month.

Is This The End?

I can admit I am not the easiest person to get along with. Why should I lie about this? I am also an emotional sensitive person. I am complex. I can be insecure and reticent at times, I can isolate myself from other people, not wanting to talk to anyone. There are moments when I don’t want to talk to anybody and I just want to be alone in the darkness.

Other times I can be outgoing and loquacious. I guess if you ever read this blog you would know I can be dramatic at times. I can be temperamental, moody, and edgy too. I am cognizant of the fact that these character flaws are a part of me. I am also not a wallflower.

I am also a loving person and if I care about somebody I let the individual know about it. If I love someone I show it. If I love somebody he is going to know about it. I don’t hide my love I never have and I never will. I don’t hide my feelings either. I refuse to dissemble my emotions this is not my personality. I don’t placate. I’m not exactly the most outgoing kind of person but if I love and care for someone I will let him know it.

On Sunday afternoon I received a bombshell during a conversation from a guy I thought was my friend. Is he trying to make me feel jealous? And if he is trying to make me feel jealous why? I don’t understand? Is he trying to tell me something? I guess he’s saying this new guy he met at the university is more important to him then me. So why does he even bother calling me at all?

The friend told me that next year he’s moving in with some new man he met at the university this past school year. He didn’t even ask me if I wanted to live with him? But then again, I am not sure I want to live with anyone else anyway? But that’s not the point now is it? The point is the friend didn’t ask me. Why does he talk to me anyway? I mean this new person is so special and wonderful maybe he should make it permanent and be around him all the time? At least I wouldn’t have to hear about it?

Isn’t this interesting? I already had a conversation with the friend about his passive aggressive attitude and he admits he can be reticent. He definitely separates people into different categories it seems. My perspective is this guy shifts from one person and leaves the other person in the dust. During a phone conversation on Saturday the friend he says he doesn’t always feel the need to say things.

Well what am I supposed to do read his mind? I’m not Whoopi Goldberg in Ghost! I’m not Dionne Warwick and the Psychic Friends Network! I’m not Ms. Cleo! I can’t read minds telepathically through a telephone! If he’s got something to say speak up don’t be coy!

I do wonder if this has anything to do with the issue of race? I am going to be honest here my friend is South Asian and I am black. The guy my friend has been spending a lot of time with lately is also South Asian. Perhaps the friend can relate to the other South Asian guy because they share the same culture? Maybe I am just out of the loop? And perhaps this is more about my friend growing as a person I guess? Maybe we are too different? Is it a racial or cultural divide going on here perhaps? I am not South Asian, I can’t speak Hindi or Punjabi. I wish I could speak another language. I do know a bit of French I am not fluent in French though. I always thought about improving my French skills but that’s another blog entry.

I don’t really know if Toronto has a black gay community? Maybe Toronto isn’t the city for me anyway? The African and Caribbean communities in Toronto have entrenched homophobia. The quandary is Toronto’s black gay scene is hidden. Maybe I should try harder to find it? I know black homosexual events take place in Toronto but many black gays have fun outside the boundaries of Toronto’s queer community. Many black gays and lesbians don’t bother to visit the gay epicenter of Church and Wellesley in Toronto. I can’t say I blame black gays for avoiding Church Street. Church Street can be an extremely pretentious place. In fact, there have been incidents of racism between black gays and lesbians and owners of certain Toronto gay bars.

I remember I was part of a group though during my undergraduate days run by SOY Toronto called Black Queer Youth Initiative. But I haven’t been to BQY in years. And I’ve moved beyond that phase in my life.

Maybe the racial and cultural issue is inevitable? Maybe this is just a part of life perhaps? Canada may be a multicultural mosaic but there is Little Italy, China Town, Little India, and other pockets of the city where various communities stick to their own. I mean people want to be around people they can relate to people of the same race right? Maybe because I am black I am not good enough for him? I have thought about this. Perhaps it only makes sense that he’s going to want to be more close to other South Asian people?

This friend he has been avoiding me like the plague for about a month yet he calls me just about every single day. I don’t understand? If he doesn’t want to see me why does he want to talk to me? Why does he call me everyday? Am I just supposed to be there for him all the time in spirit or what? He calls me and tells me about the problems he’s having with his family and his sisters. He tells me a lot of things that are deep yet I don’t see him. So I’m just supposed to listen and not talk about unresolved issues? Why? I am confused at times does he like me or not? Does he love me?

On Sunday afternoon I just decided I had enough. I just couldn’t talk to him. I needed some fresh air and I got out. I needed to take a walk and be alone for a while.

The friend called Monday evening and he says “how are you doing?” He acted as though nothing was going on. He seems to think whenever he “wants” to speak to me I am just supposed to drop everything to “listen to him”. I am not an automatic switch or something. He is totally taking me for granted! Why? I find this strange that he shifts from people he is definitely compartmentalizing his life. I don’t appreciate this. I don’t appreciate being pushed aside and then picked up when necessary.I don’t want anyone to pity me either!

I understand that people need to talk to other people because that’s how life is. I never said the friend cannot meet new people or socialize with other people. I never suggested this. However, what I don’t understand is what makes this so called friend think he can avoid me for about a month and expect me to be waiting for him whenever he feels like it? Give me a break!

Well maybe I don’t want to see him and maybe I don’t want to talk to him either. I mean does he even give a fuck about me? Does he love me? Does he care about what’s going on in my life ? The issue I have with this so called friend isn’t the fact that he’s spending time with other people. The central theme here is that he’s not spending anytime with “me.” He just jumps from one person to the next. I think that’s the main reason I am upset about right now.

Why should I be subjected to phone conversations when this friend is talking about the amazing experiences he’s been having. For the past month this friend he never said “well Orville would you like to see a movie or a play or go to a club or something?” No he didn’t! And when I did say to the friend the other day “what are you doing in April?” he didn’t provide an answer.

So why is this friend calling me all the time blowing up my telephone? Why talk to me at all? After all I am not really a part of this friend’s life anymore now am I? I mean why should I sit and listen to another one of these conversations while he’s talking about all of the so called fabulous things he’s doing with other people. I am sick of this!

I specifically told the friend in another phone conversation I don’t appreciate his passive aggressive behavior. I prefer the truth. It is obvious he is trying to create distance between us. If these new people are so amazing well then he should be around them. I am not stopping him. I don’t like feeling horrible and miserable. I mean he’s been avoiding me for the past month spending time with “other people”.

So why does this friend expect me to sit on the phone listening to him talk about these experiences? And why should I listen to him? Why should I stand for this bullshit?

I just decided to myself on Sunday afternoon as I was walking trying to collect my thoughts why should I play these games? We are adults here so let’s not play these mind games.

On Monday evening when the friend called I just said “I can’t talk to you right now.” And he said “are you going to call me later on in the evening?” And I replied “I just can’t talk to you right now.” I didn’t know what to say to him. I was so tense. The emotion within me was sizzling. I wanted to reach through the telephone and smack the friend across the face! I was throbbing with anger. I didn’t feel like having an argument because what’s the point about doing that?

I am not fighting it anymore. If this friend wants to move in with another guy well then move in with the other guy I’m not stopping him. I am not telling the friend to live his life. However, I also refuse to just “wait” around anymore. I’m not static I am a real, living, and breathing human being with blood, atoms, cells, and feelings. I’m not going to let anyone treat me like this either.

I am taking the advice I got and I am focusing on myself right now. I’m applying to some programs and I doing some other things to help myself. I had a meeting with a former professor last week and he said he is going to write a letter of recommendation for me. Last week Tuesday I also had lunch with the professor on campus and the friend said “well why didn’t you call me?” Well why should I? Well does my life revolve around this guy? He’s made it pretty clear that he prefers to spend time with this new guy he’s been focusing all of his energies on. I get it three is a crowd. I get the hint I’m not stupid. I’m too old for this bullshit.

There are so many things I want to accomplish such as getting another book published that’s like a top priority of mine right now. I have a lot of other issues going on in my life right now. I can’t even talk about the other issues with this friend because I am not even sure if I could anyway? I’ve made a decision I’m going to act like a mature adult here. Okay, I am calm now. I don’t want to scream and argue there is no point in doing this. If this friend wants to be around this other guy so much then do it? Just leave me out of it. Now if this friend wants to see me fine and if he doesn’t then that’s fine too. I’m not taking this anymore I have had enough.

Am I Just The Gay Friend?

I need to blow off some steam here so let me have this rant this taste of exploration and self discovery.I need to express myself so I am composing this blog entry trying to investigate my feelings and emotions to dig beneath the surface of my fears. Maybe I sound like I am self loathing or immature but I need to direct my thoughts from my mind on to the keyboard. I am going to talk about my frustrations right here and right now. I am so confused about my life right now.I need clear vision and some focus. I will admit I do need to focus more attention on myself more and my own problems. So I am going to write about something that has been on my mind.

Last night I decided to call a friend I have not heard from in a week. Why didn’t he call me for an entire week? I don’t understand? I think that’s kind of disrespectful. I muster up the courage to give the pal a call early this morning because I figure I need to get to the bottom of this. I need to know what’s going on here. I call the friend early in the morning close to 1:00 am. Anyway, the friend is in a cab on his way home he claims he just left a female friend’s house.

Maybe I am being jealous but I recall my friend telling me he has known this girl since he was a child they grew up together. I can’t compete with her? And I don’t want to compete with her. I know I would lose. I am not suggesting that my friend cannot talk to or socialize with other people. I hope I don’t come across this way. Of course I want him to talk and meet new people. Maybe I am the problem? I need to focus on myself a bit more perhaps?

I admit that’s a close bond my friend has with this girl they grew up together. I thought we had a close bond and friendship ? I thought he liked me? But I’ve noticed a pattern in the last few weeks. I’ve known my pal for over six years he is actually one of the few people that actually gives a damn about me. I can honestly say that. I believe he is one of the few people in this world that actually cares for me. I remember I had an incident in December 2007 and I was all distraught and depressed and he was very loving and affectionate visiting me.

He’s always been there for me and I’ve always been there for him on an emotional level. I really do care for him deeply I want him to be happy. I always wanted him to have internal and external peace. Now of course everyone’s journey is different. I should point out my friend is still in the closet about his sexual orientation his parents don’t know he’s gay. Perhaps this has to do with the fact my friend is living a double life? Maybe this has something to do with his reticence? He seems very cautious at times. I wonder why?

Our conversation was weird this morning there were some silent patches. Usually he is loquacious and this morning he wasn’t. There are fragmented thoughts, split seconds of silence, and a blank void of no noise. It just wasn’t one of our usual conversations when I don’t need to think and I can say whatever is on my mind. Last night I didn’t feel like I had the freedom that I had before when we talk. I felt like my thoughts and words were locked in a cage, and held in a prison. Early this morning I feel scared, frightened, like I am walking on a egg shells. I wasn’t sure if I should call but I decided I had to. For the first time in a long time I don’t know what to say to him? Why is there this canyon of silence?

I decided to shift the discussion into a direction that appears neutral I ask the friend about another person we know he becomes all excited talking about her. It now dawns on me that this friend lately in the past few weeks has only called me on the weekends to do gay stuff. We usually smoke weed, go shopping, go to gay bars, go to bathhouses I actually enjoy doing that stuff. It is the usual gay resume. I don’t mind doing that stuff but I always want to know more. Maybe I am a bit inquisitive? I want to peek into my friend’s mind see his real private life?

I have always asked my friend if I can visit his house. I have always been curious about my friend’s residence. I don’t know why perhaps I want to put some context into learning more about him? I’ve known him for over six years and yet I realized I had never visited his house before. I also understand my friend has conservative parents and they place a lot of pressure on him. The pressure is intense and maybe he is negotiating how to live in the public and private spheres? Am I out of line wanting to know more? Is this a valid emotion? Or am I being rude?

Finally a few weeks ago my friends parents went away to India for a wedding and vacation. Last week Monday my friend finally suggests that I visit his house. I was excited and it was a revelation. My friend’s house is beautiful he lives in a detached red brick house . He tells me that very few people actually have visited his house. The kitchen is expansive the cupboards are a solid oak wood color and texture. The tiles are linoleum. We walk upstairs to his bedroom and I notice his bedroom is quite small compared to the other bedrooms in the house.

My friend’s room is also a bit messy but I don’t mind. I see pants, socks, books, scattered across the dresser and room. Perhaps my friend was embarrassed that his room was messy? I don’t know? I guess he didn’t have time to fix up the room or something? My friend hands me a British gay magazine called Gay Times that he bought for me when he was in England last December. I flip through the magazine and sit on my friend’s bed. I give back the DVD copy of “My Beautiful Laundrette”, his hat, and some other stuff I borrowed from him. I glance out the window and look at the snow. The snow is a blanket the color of indifference, the color of unanswered questions, the color of thoughts in my mind.

My friend suddenly becomes nervous and suggests we go downstairs and have lunch. I am curious why is my pal so nervous anyway? I wonder why does my friend want me to leave his room right now? I mean I haven’t even gotten a chance to look around it. We start wrestling don’t ask lol! I think I am a bit stronger then my friend is and somehow we end up on his bed I am on top of him (with clothes on of course) and we are still wrestling. My friend says I am stronger then he thought I was. He says he’s into wresting.

I must admit something I should be honest while my friend was in the kitchen preparing lunch I noticed a book on his shelf and I opened it. It was an old diary of my friend’s from the earlier part of this decade. I opened it and looked at it. I know it was wrong for me to do this. Perhaps that’s why my friend is upset? I invaded his privacy. Or maybe he thinks me visiting his house is an invasion I don’t know?

I always wondered what does my friend’s house looked like. I mean my friend has seen my house before he knows where I live he’s been in my bedroom a few times. I thought we had a lot of fun last week Monday. My friend provides a tour of his house, we have lunch in the kitchen, I got to see his backyard. I thought it was a nice visit.

Anyway, my friends parents have just returned last week Tuesday from India. Suddenly, I don’t hear from my friend for an entire week. I wonder what is going on? Did I upset him in some way? Why the sudden distance? Did I do something wrong? Is he mad at me? Am I being insecure and sensitive? Am I just the gay friend? Is this all I am to him? Is this all he thinks of me? I’ve known this guy for over six years but in the last few weeks he’s been acting different. I hate this passive aggressive bullshit. If he wants to tell me something he should just say it!

Am I being sensitive here? Perhaps? I now realize I really need to get my own life. All week I was agonizing over the fact that this pal of mine was mad at me or something. Maybe he is mad at me I don’t know? Or maybe I am being overtly sensitive again. However, I sense a change in this friend. I was wondering why hasn’t he called me this past week?

I saw the friend last week Monday and I visited his house and he seemed okay. So why the indifference now? Is this friend trying to tell me something? I thought this friend and I were close because he tells me that he talks to me about things he doesn’t tell his two female confidants. He tells me things about the emotional issues he’s had within himself, he tells me about the conflict he has with his parents, he tells me about the problems he’s had with his sisters. He tells me a lot of stuff. I even asked the friend doesn’t he talk to his female friends about this serious emotional stuff? He says no. I am surprised.

Am I analyzing too much? I don’t know? I don’t want to be a bother to him I want him to be happy. Maybe he doesn’t really like me anymore? He started to attend a South Asian club at the university and I think that’s a positive thing. Its weird though the conversation this morning it was like I was talking to a stranger. He didn’t sound like himself. Maybe he was tired or maybe I am being too sensitive? I don’t know? Does anyone have any advice?

Watch Out For Duplicitious Editors!!!

Last week Friday I was excited because an American editor said he wanted to publish an article I had written. My work has already been published in Toronto that’s not exactly a big thrill anymore. I must confess I do like getting my work published internationally. The only condition was that I had to reduce the word count for the opinion article to 800 words. I immediately asked the editor politely about the payment schedule for the article. I was stupid I admit this now I should of asked for a contract.

I did not receive a response from the editor until this morning. I believe a writer should be paid for writing. I do not believe in writing for free this isn’t charity this is business. I worked really hard on my article all weekend. All weekend I slaved over the article trying to make it coherent. Next, on Sunday afternoon I e-mailed the finished piece to the editor. However, this morning the editor e-mails me back and he now claims that his publication doesn’t pay for opinion articles.

Next, this tacky editor has the audacity to ask if I am still interested in having the piece published for free? I refused because I believe it is a matter of principle. Why should I write for free? What am I getting out of it? I’ve written for free before I’m not doing that anymore. I’ve been writing for a while now and I refuse to be taken advantage of.

I am sure everyone knows by now that I do have a temper I admit this. I can be a real nasty bitch if I am pissed off about something. I don’t think I react sometimes when I am angry and it can get ugly. Let’s just say I am a work in progress. I am cognizant of the fact that getting angry doesn’t always solve something. However, sometimes I believe anger is justified.

However, I quickly called my good friend this morning to calm down and diffuse the situation. I don’t know how he does it but my friend he always has such a positive personality. He just makes me feel good and helps me put my thoughts and emotions into perspective. I also asked my friend for some advice he was in a hurry because he was getting ready for a lecture. We didn’t have any time for one of our usual two to three hour phone conversations. Today our conversation was short only forty five minutes. Anyway, my friend told me to just try to calm down. He told me it is okay to be angry. However, my friend said just make my point to the editor without resorting to swearing. So I e-mailed the editor back I was “polite” but I let the editor know I did not appreciate his unprofessionalism.

Next, the editor replied back claiming there must of been some “confusion” and that the publication does not pay for opinion articles. The editor is a liar there was no confusion he just wasn’t honest from the start. Why couldn’t the editor just be honest with me? Why lie? Why lie to me and lead me on? I am so sick of this shit. However, I can admit that I am partially at fault because I should of asked for a contract instead of asking about the “payment schedule”. I think the word “payment schedule” is pretty clear though? I definitely inquired about payment I made sure I let the editor know I don’t write for free.

I am so stupid to not realize at the time this is the oldest trick in the book. A legitimate editor will discuss contracts and payment immediately after they accept an article for publication. I should of known the delayed response from the editor is proof of his nefarious character. I know from prior experience this is not how the publishing world works. I am at fault, my article didn’t get published but at least I didn’t allow this editor to undermine me and get away with it. I will continue to pitch my piece to other publications and hopefully it will be published soon and hopefully I will get paid for my work as well. I wonder if I am the only one that goes through this kind of bullshit?

PS. If you are a professional editor reading my blog and are honest about payment then feel free to contact me. I write about anything and everything. I specifically write about the intersection of pop culture, sexuality, race, class, and gender. I also have written about sports I know a lot about professional tennis and also have an understanding of Canadian and American politics.

Anyone Know Any Good Entertainment Lawyers Based In Toronto?

Does anyone know any good entertainment lawyers based in the Toronto area? I am conducting research because it looks like I am going to need one ASAP. I have been informed that TSAR is still making money off of my book “You Don’t Know Me”. Copies of “You Don’t Know Me” are still being distributed and TSAR this  is a clear violation of the termination agreement. The July 13th 2005 termination agreement clearly states the remaining copies of the book must be pulped at TSAR expense. According to Baker and Taylor Distribution in November 2007 they were still distributing the book. If you know of any good entertainment lawyers based in the Toronto area let me know ASAP.

Dear Readers I Need Your Help I Need Some Advice On How To Help My Friend?

Hello everyone, I need some advice. A few months ago I wrote about a friend of mine a South Asian gay man he is having difficulty with his parents due to being gay. I live in the greater Toronto area and so does my friend. Does anyone know of any support group for young South Asian gay men?

I will conduct some research today but I just figured I should ask the readers of my blog about this issue. In the last few weeks my friend has told me the pressure is increasing and he is becoming depressed. What can I do? I listen to my friend but I admit I am ignorant about all the issues he is dealing with. My friend tells me his parents constantly ask him about getting married he is also the only male child. I am worried and concerned about my friend.

I suggested to my friend a group in Toronto but I am not sure he is willing to attend. My friend tells me that his alcoholic father, overbearing sister, and reluctant mother aren’t helping him at all. My friend feels unloved by his family and I am becoming very concerned. In Ontario counseling is free and covered by OHIP. Also, I think my friend should see a gay positive therapist. What can I do? I will keep on looking for information.

Does anyone have  any advice please provide your perspective. My friend said he was missing me since I was in Jamaica last week and the early part of this week. What do I do? Any advice?