Article: Part 1 The Mandate 25 Rules For Successful Gay Dating.
How do you win the dating game if you’re a gay man?
After many years of serial monogamy, Dave Singleton went to the front lines to find out, exploring the lives of other gay men who found themselves on the dating fast track with guys they’d met from work, at the gym or bars, and, increasingly, on the Internet. Thus, The Mandates was born-a laugh-out-loud but completely true set of rules about the making (or breaking) of men’s romantic relationships.
A sampling:
Mandate #10: Everything You Need to Know, You Learn in the First Five Minutes
Mandate #12: The Difference Between Mr. Right and Mr. Right Now: Learn It!
Mandate #13: Things You Should Never, Ever, for Any Reason Say Out Loud in the First Six Months of Dating
Mandate #24: Be Your Own “Judge Judy”: Evaluating Heinous vs. Forgivable Sins
Plus, “A Gay Dating Primer: Dos and Don’ts,” and excellent advice on “The Who, What, Where, and How of Meeting a Guy” and “Marking the Milestones of Gay Dating.” At long last, here is a hilarious, definitive gay man’s guide to finding Mr. Right.
Chapter 1
Let Your Eyes Say Everything Your Mouth Shouldn’t-Following the Rules of Body Language
Everyone who’s ever been on a bad date (can I see a show of hands please?) knows about common body-language signs and what they mean. Crossed arms. Eyes averted. Fidgety hand movements. Bodies contorted and shifted in opposite directions, as if repellent magnetic forces were at work.
Body language can be a powerful communications tool. If you believe behavioral science studies, upwards of 80 percent of all communication is nonverbal. All you have to do is look to the animal kingdom to see how rules of attraction are acted out via body language. Male peacocks show their colorful plumes. Lions fight each other to show sheer brute strength. Wall Street brokers reach deep in their pockets to draw their American Express Gold Cards to pay for the costly premating meal at Nobu.
Male and female courting rituals have always included these nonverbal signs of attraction. Awkward behavior induced by hormonal surges has affected dating traditions forever. Traditionally, men have been the pursuers, the hunters. Women have been the pursued, the selectors. Nature’s explanation of this-that it is most beneficial for the continuation of the species for men to plant their seed as wide and as often as possible, and for women to be selective in choosing the strongest mates-fulfills the straight world’s notion of “survival of the fittest” theory.
“Survival of the fittest” takes on a whole new approach in the gay male world-“fittest” becomes more than a metaphor. It means that those with the best faces and physiques have the greatest power. And it means that gay men, while traditionally the hunters, must find a way to be both the hunters and the hunted. Successful hunters cannot be too obvious in their pursuit. The hunted cannot be too fey in their selection. Ah, there’s the rub.
To paraphrase Dr. Seuss, “Oh, the extent to which we’ll go!” describes what some guys will do in their pursuit of a man. Eric, a handsome thirty-two-year-old sportswriter, developed a crush on Jess, a drop-dead handsome real estate agent, at an open house. As Eric put it, “I met this realtor, and even though I wasn’t in the market yet to buy a home, I would’ve bought a year’s supply of Barbie hair clips from this guy. I started frequenting open houses he hosted, regardless of the price range or neighborhood. But, every time he came near me, I could barely look at him.”
Jess was friendly to Eric, but businesslike. Over the next four weeks, Eric thought he was being subtle and cool by just showing up and making small talk so that if things were to develop, they’d have a chance. Sometimes he would casually ask Jess about one of the properties, which ranged from a one-bedroom in the low $100,000 range to a million-dollar town house. Other times, he would be too shy to say anything at all. Maximizing body language does not mean standing frozen like an exhibit at Madame Tussaud’s. When he did speak, he fidgeted with his hands like some reject geek from a John Hughes film. And out of shyness, he often averted his eyes whenever Jess answered him directly.
Eric’s “pseudo-aggressive” dating strategy didn’t work. In fact, Jess the realtor is probably calling Madonna right now to get the name of her antistalking security consultant. Eric should have maximized the first meeting better through more focused eye contact and body language that showed interest, not desperation. Eric’s initial efforts should have been all about getting Jess to meet him somewhere more intimate for a drink, so that he could pursue in a focused and personal setting.
Jerry, a thirty-four-year-old single stockbroker from Chicago, had a much different, more successful experience using eye contact and body language. At a bar one night, he practically bore a hole through a hot man every time they passed each other, but the man would never look back. Every time Jerry looked at the guy, he held his gaze for a few seconds, and eventually the object of his lust started glancing back. They continued this dance for about an hour, pacing around the bar like panthers, sizing each other up from every angle amid the smoke and disco.
After a while, they were comfortable enough to be physically near each other, talking to others but with palpable sexual tension between them. They were standing closer, saying everything that needed to be said through body positioning and stance. By the time their eyes locked and they both said hello, they were already in the middle of a conversation that had begun with body language. No one had to make an awkward first move.
They exhibited the perfect attitude blend of “part hunter, part hunted, part wanting, part could-care-less” that always wins when you are on the prowl.
It’s essential to maintain interest, but you don’t want to come off as needy, desperate, or an immediate sure thing.
John, a thirty-nine-year-old financial analyst from Baltimore, summed up the feelings of several men I spoke with when he said, “It’s hard to admit this because I sound so shallow, but as soon as you find out someone is totally interested in you, your level of interest falls a little.” Maybe for men it’s one of those unfortunate laws of human nature, like car wreck rubbernecking. It’s definitely not helpful in streamlining dating. But that’s where using body language can help.
Combat coming off as too interested by using body language to express yourself without giving away too much. Let the excitement build slowly and subtly. Unlike words, body language can rarely be used against you. No one can prove your intent. So you can maintain some mystery as you explore and initiate contact.
Given the laws of human nature, here are seven step-by-step guidelines on how to avoid crashing and burning when you are in hot pursuit:
1. Don’t tell everyone what and whom you are after. You do not need the pressure of a gay cheerleading squad “rah-rahing” you on as you make your move. You are not Rocky. This isn’t about crowd pleasing.
2. Cut your losses when it’s clear it’s going nowhere. Take Eric’s example as your paradigm; if, after the fourth house, “there ain’t nothing goin’ on but the rent,” quit stalking the poor guy and move on to greener pastures.
3. Don’t use lines! To paraphrase advice my grandmother gave me, “Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak up, use a tired, worn-out line on him, and remove all doubt.”
4. Remember that the word desperation comes from an ancient Greek term that roughly translates to “you’ll never get laid.”
5. Remember the first rule of business negotiations: be willing to walk away from the table. Nothing is ever as attractive to a man as a man who is interested and interesting without an agenda.
6. The eyes have it! Once you make eye contact, you need to hold it for five seconds. Count it out in your head if this is really hard for you to do at first. But there’s no way you are going to pique a man’s interest by speedily averting your eyes as if you were caught cheating on an exam.
7. When it comes to body language, imagine you are Baryshnikov without the leg warmers. Use body language to your best advantage by acting as if you are a dancer of the first order. Dancers put all their emotions, feelings, and desires into self-contained movement and body language. Every glance, posture, and gesture tells a story. So when confronted with the Antonio Sabato Jr. look-alike you want to meet, you decide if you want the story to be “I want you now, I will have you, and you will love it” or “I am a complete moron incapable of even cursory, nonshaking interaction, and by the way, I am probably this awkward in bed, too.” The attitude you choose is the one you’ll project.
Always Get the Card-Don’t Give the Card
(Or: At Least Control Freaks Don’t Sit by the Phone Waiting)
You meet a desirable guy and soon sense mutual attraction. You make it through enough introductory talk to realize he is someone you’d like to know better, but for whatever reason, one or both of you needs to end the conversation. At the point where it is time to exchange information, what do you do?
There is always that awkward moment. Do you pull out a card and hand it over? Do you scribble your name on a matchbook with a pen borrowed from some bartender and slip it to your new friend before he leaves? At a party, do you write something provocative on a cocktail napkin and have it delivered by one of the caterers?
It is always best in situations like these to get the card.
Why? Three reasons:
1. It gives you a sense of mystery. It shows interest in the other person, but it makes you seem more desirable, that you are in no rush to hand over information on yourself.
2. You get the control. Were you a little buzzed at the time of the meeting? Want to decide hours later, after you have come to your senses, that Mr. Right was a martini-induced mistake, not worth a follow-up? You can, as long as you haven’t given him license to find you via phone, fax, e-mail, and courier.
3. No sitting by the phone! You don’t want to be, or even give off the perception of being, helplessly and passively waiting for anyone to call you.
There are advantages to restraint. There are also advantages to control. It is a good tactic to be fresh out of cards when Mr. Obnoxious just won’t leave the party until he gets something, anything, with your handwriting or contact information on it. But when you are the one who wants Mr. Right’s telephone number, don’t put yourself in the position of waiting to be called by giving out your card.
This means that you will be the one doing the asking. Once you achieve your goal and get his card, it really doesn’t matter if you give him yours or not. But if the chances that you will do something awkward are greater if you get the card, then hand yours over. For example, what if he asks you for your card first? It will be strange for you to say, “Sorry, Charlie, no cards on me,” have him give you his, and then mysteriously “find” one of yours in your left pocket.
Playing “cards” like this is a “who plays their hand first” Wild, Wild West scenario with precise timing. The stakes are high if you wait too long or get your bluff called.
Thirty-one-year-old Tony, research director for a major pharmaceutical firm, prides himself on his ability to assess a person’s character. But he got really frustrated meeting men at parties and bars, giving them his card, and never hearing from them. “I knew we were hitting it off, so I offered my card because you never know how long you have to talk to someone at a cocktail party. Maybe he has other plans and has to leave, I don’t know. So I wanted to be prepared. The guy would almost always smile and say he’d call, so I didn’t feel the need to get his card.”
But maybe Tony was too prepared. Maybe he played his hand too quickly. And as he learned from experience, he should have taken more control. When he met a guy he liked, he thought that leaving their meeting with clarity about who would call was all that was needed. Tony thought that being aggressive precluded his being the “happy to sit by the phone and wait for the call” type. Wrong.
He is now a big believer that, when it comes to the “data swap,” it’s more empowering for him to get the card first.
Excerpt From Book Boyfriend 101.
You’ve done the bar thing. You’ve let your best friend set you up. You’ve even logged on to a gay dating website. But the man of your dreams is still out there, just waiting for you to find him. What’s a gay guy to do? Look no further than this book.
Whether you’re new to the dating scene or just wanting a refresher course, in Boyfriend 101 you’ll find an abundance of practical tips for meeting the right man (and avoiding the wrong ones) and keeping him (and you) interested for the long term. Topics include:
• Deciding what you need versus what you want in a boyfriend
• Icebreakers that actually work
• Expanding your social network
• The best places to meet men
• Writing a hot personal ad or online profile
• First-date protocols (or, Waiting until after the third date to have sex)
• Discussing HIV and negotiating safe sex
• Maintaining a healthy body image
• Overcoming fear of abandonment
• Creating healthy lines of communication with your boyfriend
CHAPTER 1
Getting Started
From the early days of Gay Liberation until the early 1980s, the primary place for meeting gay singles was bars. The bar scene was the hub of gay life. In bars, men dished, met new friends, fell in love, and broke up. Every gay traveler carried the Damron Address Book, the bible of gay travel. With the onset of AIDS in the early eighties, the golden age of bars ended. Suddenly, there were vastly more important things to do-ministering to others; taking care of one’s own health-than hanging out in bars. With the decreasing importance of bars in the culture, new ways of relating emerged, as gay men sought alternatives to bars as places to socialize and to shelter themselves from the storm outside.
By the early 1990s, dating patterns for gay men had undergone a profound change. Previously, men met and either fell in love at first sight and became lovers fairly quickly, or had sex and, if it didn’t work out, moved on. One rarely heard-let alone used-the “D” word. It sounded too straight. It took too much time. The expectation of immediately having sex with a man was so ingrained in gay culture that the idea of postponing what was only “natural” seemed old-fashioned and sex-phobic. To be gay was to have sex. Now.
The ritual of dating became a new phenomenon. New organizations sprang up across the United States, and gay community centers became an alternative hub of gay life, where one could meet other gay singles in a non-bar environment. Many men rubbed elbows with lesbians for the first time at gay centers, and experienced firsthand another model of same-sex coupling. Few lesbians were looking for the absolutely “perfect” body as much as gay men-or for immediate gratification.
Some men recoiled at the concept of dating, because they were afraid of intimacy-and still held on to the myth that the pre-AIDS period of sexual experimentation constituted the glory years. But those days are gone forever. The paradigm shift from bars, cruising, and immediate sex to dating, courtship, and long-term relationships defines today’s gay landscape.
WHAT IS A DATE?
You’re having a date when you meet a guy at a specified place and time in pursuit of the possibility of future romantic involvement. The operative words are possibility and future; throw the notion of immediate gratification out the window, because delayed gratification is part of the new paradigm.
Gay “dating” in the past was about immediacy, quickness, get-in-and-get-out, secrecy, fuck buddies, no commitments-there was always an exit. In no way do I condemn these patterns. Many gay men seized these opportunities as a means to explore their sexuality and to resist the heterosexist norms that had repressed them. No gay men wanted to be told what to do in bed or out of it.
The paradigm shift brought to gay singles the challenge of a new approach to intimacy. Learning how to date men, rather than just have sex with them, includes acknowledging and accessing what I call our “inner teenager.” The inner teenager is the playful, shy, sexy, seductive, self-conscious, scared, and romantic part of us that wants to go out on dates, but may not possess the social and emotional skills to do it. There’s a negative side to the inner teenager as well-the inner voices of temper tantrums. The adult part of us-the grown-up who can operate quite efficiently in the world-needs to take care of his inner teenager, or the inner teenager will rebel and make his life miserable.
Our inner teenager can make our career and work life seem like a death sentence if his needs don’t get met. The inner teenager wants to come out and play, and requires the adult part of us to mentor him through the process. The inner teenager has a “dark” side that can tyrannize us and prompt us to act out on impulse.
Below are the voices of the inner teenager and-with mature responses-his adult:
TEENAGER: I’m afraid of asking him out.
ADULT: I’m going to call him this evening after work.
The inner teenager may appear cocky on the outside, but deep down inside he may lack the confidence and the social skills to ask a man out on a date. The inner teenager mumbles, fumbles, and makes everything a big deal. Being turned down becomes catastrophic.
Teenagers live with a heightened sense of reality; for them, everything is either “totally cool” or “totally bad.” Adults need to provide balance, security, and perspective, and to de-escalate from all-or-nothing thinking. While the inner teenager is scared, the adult will show him that actions can be taken in spite of fear.
As an adult, you should find a comfortable place to make the call for a date: take a deep breath, dial the phone, and ask your guy out. Your inner teenager will be enormously appreciative!
TEENAGER: I want to get into shape.
ADULT: I’m going to watch my diet. I’m going to start working out, at least three times a week.
Teenagers can be undisciplined, so they need a lot of structure. A teenager may have a desire to get into shape, but McDonald’s and Taco Bell may get in the way. Though the teenager may want to be king of the world, he is also very self-conscious about his body. The mature adult puts together a plan to get into shape, and sticks to it. The goal is to look great, on your own terms, so that your inner teenager can show off his body with confidence and pride.
TEENAGER: I’m scared he won’t like me.
ADULT: I have a lot to offer him. I’m bringing a lot to the dating table.
The inner teenager is afraid of rejection. He wants to feel included and to have a sense of belonging. He feels all eyes are on him and doesn’t want to “mess up.” The adult in each single man must appreciate and acknowledge his assets and, like a peacock, strut his stuff to the world. The adult feels secure enough in himself not to take each rejection as a referendum on his value as a person.
About.Com Article: Tips On how to meet single gay men.
Meet Other Gay Men
Tips On How To Meet Other Gay Guys
By Ramon Johnson,
Gay men don’t live in bars (well, most don’t). There is queer opportunity in every place- if you’re aware of your surroundings. Keep your eyes open for flirtatious looks, comments or gestures at the grocery store, laundry mat or book shop. Dating prospects are everywhere. Learn where to find gay love.
Look for opportunity.
Once you’ve identified your prospect, look for your window of opportunity. Need help fine tuning your preying skills? Watch a couple of hours of Discovery Channel and see how the patient tiger cruises the jungle before a kill.
In most cases (especially if alone), your prospect will do or say something that gives you the opportunity to strike up a conversation. Lurk in the frozen food aisle until he turns the corner. Then ask if frozen peas are better than canned. Or get in line behind him and laugh at the ridiculous magazine covers. Anything to get his attention and start a dialogue. I’m not suggesting you stalk the man or follow him home, only that you position yourself for optimal opportunity.
Keep the momentum going.
Most gay novices don’t fail at the approach, it’s the continuation of dialogue that throws them for a loop. If he laughs at a comment you make and then turns around, make another one. Keep the dialogue going. Don’t lose the opportunity. If the tiger misses his target on the first strike, he doesn’t just say “Oh, well.” He continues the hunt until he gets what he wants. If the guy is truly not interested in you, he’ll say something.
Close the deal.
When your window of opportunity closes, seal the deal by asking him for his phone number or out for coffee. If you feel comfortable, give him your number. Let him know that you’re interested in talking to him further. As they say in sales, never be afraid to ask for the sale.
BBC UK Article: Former Tennis Champion Lindsay Davenport Says Serena Is The Favourite To Win Wimbledon.
Venus & Serena start favourites – Lindsay Davenport
Wimbledon Championships
Venue: All England Club, London Date: 21 June – 4 July
Coverage: Live on BBC One and Two, HD, Red Button, BBC Sport website (UK only), Radio 5 live, 5 live sports extra; live text commentary online and on mobile phones. Full details of BBC coverage
Highlights – Serena wins third Wimbledon title
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By Piers Newbery
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Lindsay Davenport knows better than most how it feels to take on the Williams sisters and she is in no doubt about their chances at Wimbledon over the next fortnight.
Serena and Venus are ranked one and two in the world and have won eight of the last 10 Wimbledon singles titles between them. So are they the favourites again this time round?
“Oh gosh, yes,” laughs Davenport.
To be fair, the answer follows a thorough explanation from the 1999 Wimbledon champion of just what makes the sisters so tough to beat at the All England Club.
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With Serena, even if she lost the first set 6-1 you always got that sense of inevitability that she would come back and turn the tables
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Davenport certainly got to know Venus’s game inside out in 27 meetings with her fellow American, winning 14 of them but losing all four at Wimbledon, and she also managed four wins in 14 matches against Serena.
“Venus turns into a different player on grass with the way she moves, she’s more aggressive and she takes the ball earlier,” said Davenport, who will be joining the BBC commentary team for the first time this year.
“On other surfaces she seems to hold back her weight a little more but on grass the pace of her shots is so difficult to handle, and she hits the hardest on tour side to side. She moves better on grass and stays lower, whereas most players struggle with their footing.
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LINDSAY DAVENPORT
Age: 34
Born: Palos Verdes, California
Turned pro: 1993
Grand Slam titles: 3 (US Open ’98, Wimbledon ’99, Australian Open ’00)
Singles titles: 55
Doubles titles: 37
Highest ranking: 1 (2001, 2004, 2005)
Prize money: £14,952,032
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“In 2005, I had a championship point in the final against Venus but I was 4-2 up in the third, and that’s where the match was lost.
“To her credit, in previous matches against me she hadn’t played her best when she was down, she tended to go away a little, but that day she came through.
“I always got that sense very early with Venus whether she was having an on or off day. If it was an on day she was the best out there, but if she was off she found it hard to win with her B or C game.
“Serena was the exact opposite. With Serena, even if she lost the first set 6-1 you always got that sense of inevitability that she would come back and turn the tables. She’s got that never-say-die attitude that’s really once in a generation.
“I’m not surprised that Serena is still there at the top, I think she’s got older and a bit wiser and she wants to win as many Grand Slams as she can. She’s a different player at the majors as she’s playing for a place in history.”
Davenport beat Steffi Graf to win Wimbledon in 1999
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Serena will be attempting to win her 13th Grand Slam singles title over the next two weeks, which would move her past Billie Jean King and into fifth place on her own in the all-time list.
Venus has seven major singles titles, including five at Wimbledon, and the only player in the field who can match that is Justine Henin.
The Belgian returned to the tour at the start of 2010 after two years in retirement and has made it her aim to win a first Wimbledon title.
“Justine has been very outspoken about trying to win Wimbledon being her reason for coming back but the problem is that she’s now trying to play a bigger game,” said Davenport, “and she doesn’t seem totally confident going for so many winners and big serves.
“The French Open was hers to win but I was a little bit stunned watching her as she wasn’t playing her usual clay-court game.
“When she played Maria Sharapova she tried to outhit her, which is the one thing Maria does better than her.
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606: DEBATE
blackswan
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“At Wimbledon she’s going to have to serve incredibly well and that’s been problematic.
“She’s such a good athlete she can run down a lot of balls but I can’t see her hanging with the likes of the Williams sisters, I just don’t think she can get it together in the last two weeks.”
Henin’s compatriot, Kim Clijsters, is also enjoying a second career after a spell in retirement and, having won her first Grand Slam tournament back at the US Open, she too is targeting a first Wimbledon crown.
“Kim knows how to win majors, she moves extremely well and hits the ball hard,” said Davenport. “Her problem is finding the consistency, day in day out.
“She has a big backswing on her forehand side and for her to win at Wimbledon things must play out in the draw for her.
“To beat Venus and Serena will be a tough task but she moves well, she’s got the experience and she’s one of the few that can challenge them.”
Impressive Schiavone claims title
Beyond the Belgians, serious competitors to the Williams sisters look thin on the ground. Italy’s Francesca Schiavone was the surprise winner of the French Open but has just one quarter-final to her name at Wimbledon.
“The French Open final was so refreshing to see as Francesca went out in the biggest game of her career and played her best tennis – she really wanted it,” said Davenport.
“I think her chances of winning another Slam are slim but she’s a great player and she’ll never forget that moment.
“It’s tough to recover in two weeks from something like that though and at Wimbledon her ball will sit up for her opponents to hit, so her game really isn’t suited to the grass.”
Maria Sharapova, the 2004 champion, has been struggling to rediscover her Grand Slam winning form in the last year since returning from shoulder surgery but an encouraging performance in defeat by Henin at the French Open suggests she could be a threat on a surface she prefers.
“Sharapova’s serve looked to be in a better rhythm in Paris, it was working as a unit, and she’s won at Wimbledon so she’s comfortable there,” said Davenport.
“For her it’s all about controlling the baseline rallies and keeping the points short as she doesn’t move as well as some of the other girls.
“Very few players have successfully come back from shoulder surgery and Wimbledon is certainly her best chance of getting back to winning Grand Slams.”
Report – Centre Court’s new roof
Aside from those mentioned, the only other player in the women’s draw with Grand Slam titles to her name is the out-of-form Svetlana Kuznetsova, and Davenport does not see a likely contender out there.
“I’ve yet to see anybody else prove they can take on the Williams sisters, Henin and Clijsters,” said the American.
“Caroline Wozniacki is a great player but I think she lacks that one big shot, and Jelena Jankovic had her best opportunity yet to win a Grand Slam at the French Open but in a big match she’s yet to pull through.”
Davenport’s last visit to Wimbledon as a player was two years ago and this time she will be bringing the whole family with her, but there is one change to the All England Club that she is keen to see.
“Since I was last here we have the roof over Centre Court,” she said. “I can’t wait to see it, it will be interesting.
“It has the potential to mess up the draw if it rains early on as the top players will continue to go through, but it will work great if it rains in the latter stages.”
National Post Article: South Asian Politician Denounces Honour Killings In The South Asian Community In Canada!
Ujjal Dosanjh: Admit honour killings for what they are
Special to the National Post June 16, 2010 – 12:23 pm
‘Political correctness prevents us from demanding that the cultural norms that justify such heinous practices as honour killings have no place anywhere in the world’
By Ujjal Dosanjh
Nothing better describes the motivation for the dishonourable crime of honour killing than the words of Aqsa Parvez’s killer, her father: “My community will say you have not been able to control your daughter. This is my insult. She is making me naked.” The whole notion of “honour” is tied to male control of a female’s life, including her sexuality.
In 2000, the United Nations estimated that 5,000 women and girls are murdered every year in honour killings, a term that masks the brutality of the crime it describes. In some cases, women are even killed because they have been raped. While such murders are particularly prevalent in the countries of the Indian sub-continent, the Middle East and parts of Africa, as we are seeing, they also happen in the Western world.
In Britain, it’s estimated that a dozen women are killed every year in the name of “honour.” And Aqsa’s murder was not the first such crime in Canada. Amandeep Atwal, 17, was stabbed to death in 2003 by her father. Many suspect similar motives lie behind the deaths of the Shafi sisters — Zainab, 19, Sahar, 17 and Geeti, 13 — who drowned in a car in Kingston, Ont., last year. Their parents and brother face murder charges. Johra Kaleki of Dorval, Que., faces attempted murder charges for attacking her daughter with a kitchen knife last weekend — allegedly after she stayed out all night.
There is a huge misconception that these crimes occur because of certain religious beliefs. There is no religion that condones the murder of women. It’s the feudal/patriarchal culture of male dominance and control that’s the culprit. For example, in the Indian sub-continent, and in the Indian diaspora, such killings happen among people of many different faiths. The irrationality surrounding the notion of “family honour” provides cover for brutality and inhumanity.
In countries such as Canada, Britain, and the United States, the lack of courage to offend, if necessary and appropriate, prevents us from examining why and how this evil persists. As Aisha Gill, a professor of criminology at Roehampton University in London, asserts, “There is an assumption that sensitivity to cultural diversity requires certain actions to pass uncontested, even when they are in conflict with fundamental human rights.” In other words, political correctness prevents us from demanding that the cultural norms that justify such heinous practices as honour killings have no place anywhere in the world. We must never be too sensitive to call a spade a spade.
While no particular faith condones honour killings, very little is being done by any faith to use the pulpit to denounce and challenge this horrible phenomenon. Every other day you hear edicts being issued by different faiths over one aspect or another of the adherents’ lives. Why not edicts against honour killings? All of us in positions of leadership, secular or religious, are complicit in the deafening silence on this issue. We have failed Canadians by not expressing robust denunciation of each of these crimes.
Attitudes and values must and do change. Only our silence stands in the way.
National Post
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Daily Mail UK Article: The Williams Sisters Continue To Dominate Women`s Tennis.
WIMBLEDON 2010: Us against the world! Williams sisters planning to continue family monopoly
Serena and Venus Williams, the greatest double act in the history of tennis, have a self-confidence that some find grating.
So when Serena, the defending Wimbledon champion, suggests that it is the sisters against the rest of the tennis world, she knows the critics will interpret her statement as just another sign of their arrogance.
The reality is, though, that the Williams sisters are the favourites again to contest the women’s final for a fifth time in nine years — and they are the reigning doubles champions at all four Grand Slam tournaments.
Take that: Serena Williams is ready for Wimbledon
‘Sure, it’s us against the WTA Tour,’ said Serena starkly last week.
In the past decade only Maria Sharapova and Amelie Mauresmo have managed to prevent one of the Williams sisters from parading around the Centre Court with the winner’s Venus Rosewater Dish.
‘The other day, I had to think did I win last year, or did Venus?’ said Serena.‘Practising with Venus every day, it does get confusing.’
Rather than arrogance, the sisters prefer to liken their self-assurance to a shield. ‘Venus and I are really close,’ said Serena.
On the charge: Venus Williams wants more Wimbledon glory
‘People always want to take us out and play their super-best game against us. We are taking on these players, who, basically, find a different level when they play us. I always take it as a compliment. It’s us against them.’
From their early childhood days in Compton, a ghetto of Los Angeles, the Williams sisters have always lived — and played — outside the establishment.
Yet the prospect of playing in front of The Queen when she takes her seat in the Royal Box on Thursday for the first time since she watched Virginia Wade crowned Wimbledon champion in her Silver Jubilee Year, 1977, captivates Serena.
‘I hope I am playing on Centre Court that day as that would be super-cool,’ she said.
‘Maybe I’ll even use my Members’ Badge to get into the Members’ area. I never go there.’
As someone who has been entitled to the privileges of membership of the All England Club for eight years, it is revealing that until now Serena has never felt a need to visit areas denied to the vast majority of players.
The Williams sisters are a club of two — and untroubled if that causes offence.
They remain an intimidating presence and cast a shadow over the game from which rivals struggle to emerge.
Sister act: Serena (left) and Venus Williams are ready to take on the world
‘Maybe the fact we are a little talented has played a major role in why we are still at the top of the game,’ said Serena.
‘We’ve taken our careers into our own hands.’
SW19
Since Hawkeye technology was introduced three years ago on Centre and No 1 Courts 444 line calls have been challenged in singles matches — but the line judges’ decisions have been found wrong and overturned only 131 times.
By which she means that they play when, and where, it suits them — to the unspoken irritation of the Sony Ericsson WTA Tour. Serena has played just five tournaments this year, while Venus has managed only two more.
Serena explained: ‘It’s hard when you have been doing something since you were two years old, it’s a long time to be mastering your career.
‘We won’t play if we are injured, no matter what the consequences are.
‘As an athlete, you and live and die for these moments at tournaments like Wimbledon, or the US Open.’
Venus is the more even tempered of the two.
‘Venus is much more calm than I am, much more sensible,’ explained Serena.
‘Venus thinks things through. I do, too; but not as thoroughly. She is a real good leader and a role model for me.’
Article: Which Excercise Machine Is Better The Treadmill Or The Elliptical?
Treadmills and elliptical trainers are two of the most popular pieces of exercise equipment and are excellent tools for getting an aerobic workout indoors. When you compare treadmills vs elliptical trainers, you will quickly realize that ellipticals have only come to the party fairly recently, whereas treadmills have been around much longer. Consequently, treadmills are more well-known and more commonplace. However, before you go and buy that treadmill, you may want to give elliptical trainers a second glance.
A quick comparison:
When you compare treadmills to elliptical trainers, you can’t help but notice that the elliptical trainer offers an impact-free workout. With the elliptical, there is no impact on the ground, which may appeal to people who need a gentler workout because of joint problems or pain. The treadmill offers more impact, which helps strengthen the bones.
One obvious point that is in favor of treadmills is that it provides a better training experience for a dedicated runner/jogger than an elliptical trainer. If you are training for a marathon or even a 10k, and you don’t want to go outdoors too often during the colder months, you are certainly better off with a quality treadmill.
That being said, if you are looking for a quality cardiovascular workout with the maximum amount of efficiency, the elliptical is an excellent choice. Most elliptical trainers give you a total body workout if you have dual action handlebars for your arms and foot pedals for your legs, whereas treadmills focus more on your lower body as they simulate the jogging experience. What is even more interesting, according to recent studies, is that the lack of impact on the joints allows the user to burn roughly the same amount of calories as treadmills with the impression of putting less effort.
Therefore, it is no wonder that ellipticals have been the machine of choice for seniors exercisers with knee problems, as well as physical trainers who are involved in rehabilitating their clients.
This is what Thomas Altena, an exercise physiologist at the University of Missouri-Columbia, had to say: “The physiological responses associated with elliptical exercises were nearly identical to treadmill exercises.” He went on to conclude that “both exercise machines are effective for increasing the amount of calories burned and for producing cardio respiratory health and training benefits…”
Finally, one feature which is often overlooked about elliptical trainers is the ability to add variety to your aerobic workout. Whenever anyone is on an exercise plan, one of the biggest challenges he faces is to stay motivated and interested in his workouts. With the treadmill, the ability to change the incline, as well as the intensity are big pluses, which has contributed to its popularity over the last decade. The elliptical trainer matches these features and has a few additional ones of its own.
In addition to changing the cross ramp incline (which is available in Precor models) as well as varying the intensity, you also have the option to not use the handlebar and focus on your lower body. Although this option is not used often, it does add variety to your workout.
However, the most critical feature, and what separates the elliptical trainer from many other exercise machines when it comes to variety, is the forward and reversible feature on the foot pedals. When you are going forward, you feel like a cross country skier hitting the long slopes. However, when you reverse your pedal motion, you can target your lower body in a completely different way. Without question, you are targeting your quadriceps muscles and will soon feel them burn after a few minutes.
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