Archive | Tuesday , June 15 , 2010

Toronto Sun Article: Aqsa Parvez Murdered Because She Wanted To Fit Into Canadian Culture.

Murdered teen just wanted to fit in

Father, brother admit to killing Aqsa Parvez to defend family honour

By MICHELE MANDEL, Toronto Sun

Last Updated: June 15, 2010 8:49pm

Aqsa Parvez was murdered in 2007. Her father and brother pleaded  guilty Tuesday.
Aqsa Parvez was murdered in 2007. Her father and brother pleaded guilty Tuesday.

BRAMPTON — For daring to be free, beautiful Aqsa Parvez was sacrificed on the altar of family honour.

In pleading guilty to that “chilling and antiquated patriarchal” crime of honour killing, her father, Muhammad Parvez, 60, and brother Waqsa, 29, will be sentenced to mandatory life terms in prison for second-degree murder.

“I deeply regret my actions,” her brother told Justice Bruce Durno while his distraught mother, wife and two brothers looked on.

“Aqsa Parvez’s murder was a gender-based crime, motivated by patriarchal concepts of honour and shame which these defendants had chosen to adopt,” Crown attorney Mara Basso said Tuesday in asking that the men not be allowed to apply for parole for 18 years.

“This is all about the honour of the males in the family. Embarrassment to the family is enough to warrant murder.”

And what had the rebellious 16-year-old done to raise their ire and “require” that she be lured back home and choked to death in her own bedroom that December 10, 2007?

She wanted to be an ordinary girl. She wanted to go to movies and wear makeup and have a part-time job and go out with her friends.

Instead, Aqsa was already promised in an arranged marriage to someone in Pakistan, spied on at school to ensure she was wearing her hijab and ordered to conform to the male rules in her strict Muslim household.

And so she ran away.

For that crime of ultimate humiliation, her father and brother decided she must die — and none of her many family members at home at the time lifted a finger to save her.

Such was the short, tragic life of a teen caught between two cultures, a girl murdered simply because she yearned to fit in with her new country.

The elder Parvez came to Canada as a refugee from Pakistan in 1999 and eventually brought his wife and eight children. Aqsa was the youngest and just 11 when she arrived.

According to an agreed statement of facts read by Crown attorney Sandra Caponecchia, the Grade 11 Applewood High School student was so upset about her lack of freedom and need to wear her hijab that she ran away for the first time in the fall of 2007.

With help from her school counsellor, she stayed at a shelter for three days before her family persuaded her to come home with promises she could wear more western clothing.

She told friends that her dad swore on the Koran that he’d kill her if she ran away again. He would live up to his promise.

About 10 days before her murder, Aqsa left home for the second time and moved in with a friend’s family. While her father and siblings begged her to return, she refused.

At about 7:20 a.m. on Dec. 10, her brother Waqsa picked her up in the family van. Just over 30 minutes later, her father called 911 and said he “killed his daughter.”

Police found her fully clothed in her basement bedroom. An autopsy determined she’d died from “neck compressions.” She tried to fight for her life — her brother’s DNA was found under her fingernails — but her family members insisted they’d heard nothing and that Waqsa had not been home at the time.

In a chilling exchange with a police interviewer, Aqsa’s mother, Anwar Jan, accepted what her husband had done.

“Why did you kill her?” she recalled asking him. “He said, ‘This is my insult. My community will say you have not been able to control your daughter. This is my insult. She is making me naked.’ ”

She refused to criticize her daughter’s murder. “I cannot say anything. Whatever he thinks, he knows about it.”

Caught on video when left alone, she wailed that she’d thought he would only “break legs and arms” but instead “killed her straight away.”

“Oh my Aqsa,” she could be heard saying. “Everyone begged you, but you did not listen … this would not have happened if you would have listened.”

Like their mother, the rest of the family seemed to believe Aqsa got what was coming to her.

Her sister, Shasma, told police Aqsa had disrespected her father, and her killers shouldn’t go to jail. Her brother, Atishan, who was in court, said if it had been his daughter, he just would have broken her legs.

A few days before the murder, court heard Waqsa asked a fellow tow truck driver if he could get him a gun. He said he intended to kill his sister but his father would take the blame because she was “causing the family embarrassment and he had to do it.”

Dressed in a white hijab and black cloak, Aqsa’s mother broke down sobbing during a break and repeatedly dabbed at her eyes. But her distress seemed reserved only for her husband and son.

In an “appeal for pity” she begged the judge for mercy and quickly glossed over Aqsa’s brutal murder.

“I am still missing my late daughter,” she wrote. “However she has been died (sic) since three years and will never come back again.”

Her tears now were reserved for her son and husband. “I appeal to your great court to be mercy on my son and husband and reduce their punishment.”

It would be touching — if she had ever thought to make the same cry for mercy to save her own daughter.

Read Mandel Wednesday through Saturday.

Independent UK Newspaper Article: Young Indian Couple Brutally Murdered Because They Married Outside Of Their Caste!!!!

Indian couple electrocuted for daring to marry outside caste

Bride-to-be’s father and uncle held over honour killing that has horrified a nation

By Andrew Buncombe in Delhi

Wednesday, 16 June 2010

In an alleyway in Delhi choked with flies and neighbours in mourning, Devindri Devi held up a photograph of her nephew. “We had agreed to the marriage but her family did not,” she said, as she looked at the picture of the soft-faced young man. “It was because he is from a different caste.”

In a case that has stunned India’s capital, Mrs Devi’s nephew and his teenage girlfriend were tortured and murdered in a so-called honour killing, allegedly by the young woman’s family, who objected to the relationship.

Over a period of several hours, the young couple were bound, beaten and given electric shocks before they died. All that time, the woman screamed and begged with her assailants – apparently her uncle and father – to spare the life of the young man whom she so wanted to marry.

“When we found the bodies, the couple’s legs and hands were tied and they were bleeding,” the deputy commissioner of Delhi police, NS Bundela, told a press conference yesterday. “The couple were electrocuted as well, but we will wait for the full post-mortem report.”

The killing of young couples who challenge the wishes of their families is not uncommon in rural India where the centuries-old traditions of caste and tribe remain little diluted. But this incident has triggered an unusual degree of outrage, both for its brutality and for its location in a city that is gearing up for October’s Commonwealth Games and a chance to showcase itself to the world.

The couple, Yogesh Kumar Jatav, 21, and 19-year-old Asha Saini, lived just streets from each other in the crowded, claustrophobic Gokulpuri neighbourhood on the edge of the city and had started their relationship two years ago. Yet despite such geographic proximity, in the eyes of Ms Saini’s family, the pair were from worlds apart; her father owned and operated a successful vegetable wholesale business, while Mr Jatav, whose parents are dead, worked as a taxi driver. More importantly, it seems, Mr Jatav was from a lower caste.

The young man, who just two months ago had bought his own, second-hand van, had been warned off several times by Ms Saini’s family. They had even tried to arrange an engagement for her with a man from outside Delhi, of whom they approved.

Yet Ms Saini would not desist from seeing “her poor cabbie friend”, who she would meet at the local market, their illicit encounters unavoidably known to the entire community.

Perhaps because of this, two weeks ago her family sent her to live with an uncle in another neighbourhood, about 15 miles away.

Mr Jatav’s family and friends said that on Sunday, Ms Saini’s mother contacted the young man, either by phone or in person, and asked him to come to that uncle’s house that evening. When he arrived, he was allegedly seized, tied up and tortured.

Neighbours claimed they heard shouting coming from the house and tried to intervene, but were sent away by the uncle who said they were taking care of “family business”. One neighbour told reporters that several times during the night they heard a young woman screaming: “Do whatever you want to me, please just let him go.” At around 3.30am the noises stopped.

The following morning, with Mr Jatav’s red Maruti van still parked outside the uncle’s house but with no one apparently inside, the neighbours called the police. When they broke down the door, they found the bodies of the young couple, still bound. Some reports said electrical wires were coming from the wall. Others said metal bars had been used to beat the pair.

Delhi police have arrested Ms Saini’s father and her uncle, Om Prakash, and they say they are still looking for other members of the family.

When he was brought before court yesterday, Ms Saini’s uncle apparently confessed to the crime and told reporters: “We killed them using an electric shock. Yogesh had come to our house. We don’t feel any remorse.”

Kiran Walia, Delhi’s minister for health, women and child development, told the Mail Today newspaper: “This is a barbaric act of violence and should be condemned. It is my duty to get the perpetrators punished.”

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Are The Punjabi & Muslim Cultures To Blame For Aqsa Parvez’s Tragic Death?

Honour killing: Dad, brother admit killing girl

By Allison Jones, The Canadian Press

BRAMPTON, Ont. – After 16-year-old Aqsa Parvez was murdered by her brother and father in a so-called honour killing, her mother blamed the slain girl for not obeying her family’s strict rules.

Alone in a police interview room after her son choked Aqsa to death in December 2007 and her husband took the fall for it, Anwar Jan was caught on a recording suggesting Aqsa’s murder was the headstrong teenager’s own fault.

“Aqsa, Aqsa, my daughter is dead. Everyone tried to explain to you,” she said.

“This would not have happened if you would have listened.”

Muhammad and Waqas Parvez, set for trial next year on first-degree murder charges, pleaded guilty Tuesday to second-degree murder.

In the weeks leading up to the killing Aqsa had clashed with her family — originally from Pakistan — over her desire to wear western clothing and not the hijab.

She had been living with a friend but was lured to the family’s Mississauga, Ont., home, just west of Toronto, that day by her brother, who told her she could pick up her clothes, Crown attorney Mara Basso said.

Waqas Parvez choked Aqsa to death in her bedroom less than 20 minutes after they arrived and then fled, according to an agreed statement of facts read in court. It’s apparent from the DNA found under her fingernails she tried to fight back.

Muhammad Parvez waited 15 minutes and then called 911, saying he had killed his daughter. Aqsa’s older brothers and sisters told police Waqas Parvez was at work — he was a tow truck driver on the night shift — at the time of the murder.

Waqas Parvez told a colleague two or three days before the murder that he was going to kill his sister because she was causing the family embarrassment, the statement said.

He said only he and his father were involved, but the family knew what was going on.

“Aqsa Parvez’s murder was a gender-based crime motivated by patriarchal concepts of honour and shame,” Basso said.

However, such a motive for murder should not be ascribed to any particular faith, she added.

According to the United Nations, as many as 5,000 girls and women are murdered every year around the world as part of so-called honour killings, a crime generally defined as the premeditated murder of a female relative believed to have brought dishonour upon her family.

A second-degree murder conviction carries an automatic life sentence. Both the Crown and defence are calling for them to be able to apply for parole only after 18 years.

Justice Bruce Durno will give his decision on sentence Wednesday.

In her police interview Jan said she asked Muhammad Parvez why he had killed their daughter.

“He said, ‘This is my insult. My community will say: you have not been able to control your daughter,'” Jan said.

The police asked if she thought killing her daughter was wrong. All she said was, “I don’t know.”

Her brothers and sisters didn’t condemn the killing either.

Usually in sentencing someone in such a crime, victim impact statements are entered as evidence of what the victim’s family has suffered.

The Crown entered none.

Basso said it would be “morally repugnant” to do otherwise.

Court heard that Aqsa and her family came to Canada when she was 11.

When she was 15 she began telling friends about conflict at home over cultural differences. Her family would not let her wear western clothes. They gave her no freedom, insisting she not go anywhere besides school and not get a part-time job.

She did not have a door on her bedroom.

Eventually she began to fear for her safety and a school counsellor took her to a shelter, where she stayed for three nights.

She returned home after her parents allowed her to wear western clothing but still complained to friends that her freedoms were severely restricted and she was not permitted to socialize outside school hours.

Aqsa then moved out to stay with a friend, whose mother welcomed her and said she could stay as long as she liked. But still, she complained her family would show up at her school to spy on her.

While staying with the friend Aqsa went to the movies for the first time in her life.

Question For Today From ESPN Tennis Board: Is It Okay For A Gay Or Bisexual Man To A Date A Marrried Man?

dropshot118 Post #1: 11:40 am
Total Posts: 1415
Does anyone here ever experience a man crush? I am going through one right now with this married guy I used to work worth.. He and I basically talk everyday and I think about him alot. He told me if he has to figure out what his wife’s work schedule  is to determine his availibity to hang out with me. Which is cool, since he is trying to balance his time between his family and me. Am I overstepping my boundries? I have become very emotionaly attached to him and  I thinks its because I lacked of a good father figure growing up. I’m 29yrs old and he is 39. Maybe he just likes the attention.  We usually text or email each other a few times a week. Is this odd? I think

serious replies only please

London Times Article: Are Gay Men Complacent About HIV Infection?

HIV and the rise of complacency

Is it time to revive the ‘Don’t die of ignorance’ message of the Eighties?

The HIV virus about to snag a host T-cell receptor for cell  fusion.

There’s a scene in Jonathan Harvey’s play, Canary, in which two gay men — one young, one middle-aged — are about to have sex with each other for the first time. The younger one announces that he is into “BB” — barebacked sex or sex without a condom. His older conquest is appalled. “What if I’m HIV?” he demands. The younger man shrugs. “So what if you do give me something?” he replies. “I’ll just take pills.”

Of all the scenes in Harvey’s acclaimed drama about homosexual experience over the past five decades this one is attracting the most attention. This is because it epitomises an issue worrying many people within the gay community — a new complacency about HIV.

Many older gay men now believe that some younger ones are blasé, even reckless about contracting HIV. There’s a significant minority, they believe, who regards it as no more serious than any other sexually-transmitted disease, comforted by the availability of powerful anti-retroviral drugs and the message that it’s now a “manageable illness”.

There are even claims of some men knowingly exposing themselves to the virus thinking it “no big deal”. Critics say that health campaigners have been so concerned to destigmatise HIV that they have softened its image.

Harvey, 42, noticed the shift about five years ago, and believes that it coincided with HIV-infected people surviving for many years on combination therapy. He says that he is aware of “younger people who see unsafe sex as an option, a risk worth taking, and more enjoyable and exciting”. They “see an interest in safe sex as boring and fuddy-duddy and old-fashioned”. As the young man, Toby, says in Harvey’s play “HIV’s like an old man’s disease. It’s so last century”.

Of course, those under 23 weren’t even born when the grim tombstone public health adverts blitzed our TV screens in 1987. Most of today’s young gay men have never attended the funeral of someone who has perished from Aids. They probably cannot imagine just how much stigma there was. Life has moved on and for the straight community too. HIV has dipped beneath the radar. We vaguely assume it’s a virus that has been conquered. It hasn’t.

Within the past decade the infection rate in this country has doubled. Statistics from the Terrence Higgins Trust show that in 2008 there were more than 7,000 new diagnoses. Ten years earlier in 1998 there were fewer than 3,000. Of those new diagnoses in 2008, 38 per cent were among men who have sex with men. Roughly two-thirds of the total of infected people were male. The largest proportion of the heterosexual group is black Africans, many of whom would have caught HIV in Africa but have received the diagnosis in the UK. In 2008, 571 people died from HIV-related illness.

Many gay men believe that tougher campaigns are needed. Karl Riley, 24, a journalist who writes about gay issues says this is a “confused generation” receiving conflicting messages. Recent health campaigns have focused on how to “minimise the risks” rather than vetoing unprotected sex. Meanwhile, a culture is flourishing, fuelled by gay pornography, glamorising “barebacking”, perpetuating the message that “only unsafe sex is real sex”. Riley says: “Our generation has not lost people to this disease. We’ve had a very different experience of HIV . . . but we need to be told the top line. We need to know how many people are getting it and to have a better awareness of what HIV can do.”

It was Riley who broke the story about three young men who contracted HIV on the British set of a porn film, shot without condoms. One of them, interviewed for Boyz magazine and Newsnight said that he “wasn’t bothered he had HIV, and that being gay he always knew he’d get it”. In a debate on the issue, Time Out’s Paul Burston told of a conversation he’d had with a 22-year-old in Liverpool, who said he was more worried about catching gonorrhoea than HIV. As Riley says of his generation: “We’re not scared of HIV, and it’s no wonder. Sex education in schools barely touches on HIV and gay sex … HIV prevention charities [should] catch those who fall through the net. Yet instead of giving us a picture of what our lives could be like if we bareback, they choose to empower us.”

This new insouciance is also giving rise to wild claims, such as that some actively seek out the virus wanting to belong to its “community”. A subculture known as “bug-chasing” in which individuals pursue sex with HI- infected people has its own Wikipedia entry though most experts say there is no evidence to support it and it’s largely a myth.

Harvey, who wrote Beautiful Thing, the BBC sitcom Gimme, Gimme, Gimme and is a scriptwriter for Coronation Street, says one of the things which motivated him to write Canary was that, because most gay men don’t have children, important stories weren’t being passed down the generations. “I know all about my family from my grandma but if you don’t have kids who do those stories get passed on to?” he asks. “I’ve lived all my sexually active life knowing about HIV and Aids. There wasn’t a time when I didn’t know you had to wear a condom . . . it’s different for this generation. But the show isn’t just about this. It’s about a bigger apathy. In my day we had Thatcher and one of the benefits of that was that she made such horrible laws about gay people we all clubbed together and made a stand. It kept the community together. That’s lacking now. There’s not really a common cause to fight against.”

Is it, as some suggest, time to resurrect clunking-fist campaigns?

Alan Wardle, head of health promotion at the Terrence Higgins Trust, denies the suggestion that campaigns are too soft. “We try to give people the best information we can to make the best choice they can. But it is an ongoing challenge — there are only so many different ways you can say ‘use a condom’. We know from the anti-smoking campaigns that fear isn’t enough to stop people doing it.”

He says the number of people with HIV in this country continues to grow with groups most at risk being gay men and black Africans of both sexes. But he defends the young gay generation against accusations of recklessness. “There’s this notion that there’s a whole host of young, gay men dispensing with condoms and thinking it’s a risk worth taking but I don’t think there’s the evidence to back it up.” Though contracting HIV is “not the death sentence it used to be”, he says, “you will be putting quite toxic medicine into your body for the rest of your life and HIV is still quite highly stigmatised.”

Some think that “dread ad” campaigns are self-defeating and that the issue is too complex for a sledgehammer approach.

Trevor Hoppe, an American academic specialising in sexuality and sociology and a well-known voice in health activism in the United States, believes that public health scare tactics have in some cases caused a backlash. He says: “This isn’t the perspective of the majority of gay men, by far, but a minority who are very vocal and proud of their rejection of HIV prevention. I believe that is their right, and at the same time I think it is the product of abstinence-only, fear-mongering health promotion that laid the Orwellian foundation for such a visceral and at times militant resistance.”

Hoppe says that for today’s young gay men “Aids just isn’t their starting point for understanding their sexualities. That doesn’t mean that they are careless about HIV — on the contrary, my research with young gay men suggests that they’re well aware of HIV and do what they can to avoid contracting it. This varies geographically, of course.

“I’m shocked to discover that my students — both gay and straight — at The University of Michigan often have little idea of how HIV is transmitted. The less information they have, the more scared they are about HIV. They are a product of Bush-era abstinence-only education, and they are totally clueless. That is a tragedy.”

Some believe that another price to pay for a new HIV epidemic would be a return to the dark days of extreme prejudice.

“Gay people feel no different from straight people which is great in terms of how times have changed,” says Jonathan Harvey. “But I don’t think homophobia has disappeared in the same way that I don’t think racism has disappeared. It’s just that the gay community has become visible and strong and is answering back. But it doesn’t mean that a boy comes out of a club and doesn’t get beaten up.”

As the older man in Canary says, if the young heed the safe sex warning and stay healthy then the wretched, skeletal souls we remember from the 1980s won’t have died for nothing.