My Criteria For Meeting Someone New.

I think for a long time I had been fearful about meeting someone new. I believe the previous traumatic relationship experience caused a lot of doubt in my mind. I realize now that it is okay to “want” to date someone. Today I was thinking about the criteria I am think is palatable for me for meeting someone new.

I am cognizant of the fact, I’ve got to get out a bit more. The more social I become the more comfortable I will be.

Here are my criteria for meeting someone new:

1. He must be out of the closet and proud to be gay or bisexual.  I now realize, why should I be with someone who isn’t comfortable with himself? How can someone who is in the closet be suitable for me when he doesn’t accept himself? I am not saying the next man I date  has to be a gay activist. However, he must accept his homosexuality or bisexuality.I think the next guy I go out with, he should be out to his immediate family about his homosexuality.

Now I am cognizant of the fact, although Toronto is a progressive city homosexuality is still a taboo subject. I know coming out is a journey, I am out of the closet and I know how hard it is to come out. I just don’t want to go through the pain of dating a closeted man again. I am not Oprah and I do not want to be some man’s therapist.

2. He should be a  liberal and believe in a feminist,  anti homophobia, anti racist politics, and care about the world. I believe that society must help people who are less fortunate. I believe strongly that marginalized groups are disenfranchised by a racist, heterosexist, misogynist world. I don’t think I would be comfortable dating a man who is conservative.

3. He must  have a love for conversation. I don’t want to out with anyone that can’t hold a conversation. What is the point going out with someone that is the slient type? I think that’s a total turn off.

4.He must be driven. He should be educated and hold a college diploma or a university degree. The next man I date  he must have  goals for his future. He must have ambition and a passion for life. I do not want to be around a man who has no goals, dreams, or ambitions. I have a lot of goals, dreams and I am determined to have a productive life.

5. He must be a non smoker, not a drug addict, or an alcoholic.  I don’t want to go out with anyone that’s into the marijuana or any other form of drugs. I hate the smell of cigarette smoke and I am a non smoker. I also hate the smell of weed.

I do not want to be with anyone that is an alcoholic. I  don’t drink much.  I will never date a binge drinker again!  Some gay men think they don’t have a drinking problem only because  they gets drunk on the weekends. Binge drinking is a sign of alcoholism and I don’t want that kind of drama in my life ever again!

6. He must be at least 5 feet 11 or taller. I am five feet 11 inches tall and I  like the idea of going out with a man who is at least my height or taller. It is kind of weird going out with a shorter man. I just don’t like the idea at looking down at someone. I want a man who is my equal so he should be at least my height.

7. He must be masculine. I am not attracted to effeminate men, these  gay men are a real turn off. I understand that we are  all individuals  but I just feel some of these effeminate men feed into the negative stereotypes about gay males. I prefer men that are masculine just like me and are proud to be masculine. I will not  date a guy that has a high-pitched voice, is a drag queen, wears makeup, or  is  feminine.

8. He must love sex. Now this  may seem obvious, however I have met men in my past that have  feelings of discomfort about their sexual orientation.

The closeted men I have met are fearful of exploring their sexuality.  I am not an exhibitionist, but I am not a prude either. I don’t want to go out with a guy that has issues with gay sex.  Of course, I practice safer sex so this is absolutely critical.

9. I am turned off by men that are extremely hairy. I know we all have body hair, but grooming is important to me. I will not go out with anyone ever again that has a hairy back or an extremely hairy chest. I don’t mind a guy with a little bit of chest hair but excessive chest hair  or back hair is just gross. I just think that’s disgusting and is a total turn off.

10. Good hygiene is very important to me. I know this one is just common sense, but I have met men that I am shocked don’t take showers! It is just gross kissing a guy that doesn’t smell good. Any man who can’t take the time to have a shower and be clean obviously doesn’t care about himself.

11. He must be comfortable expressing his homosexuality in public. I don’t want to go out with a man that is afraid to hold my hand in public. He must be confident enough that he can kiss me at restaurant, bar, or on the street outside of the gay village.