Message From Pedro Should I Respond?

This is the message I received from Pedro from his blackberry last night:

Hi Orville,

How’s it going stranger?  Haven’t heard from you since we had coffee, on Church St.  Hope all is well with you.

Big Hug!

Keep in touch.

I don’t know what to do? Why does Pedro want me to keep in touch? Why? Pedro is a nice man, I’ve known him for seven years but I just don’t want to get close too him again.  Pedro has never done anything to “hurt me”. He has always been very positive, kind, affectionate, but at the same time he has also been aloof.

Maybe I am to blame? What is wrong with me? Why can’t I just tell him that I want to be alone? I am single, I have so many personal issues going on in my life right now. I have to fix myself first before I can even be a “friend” to somebody else.

There is a reason I am in cognitive behavorial therapy and the reason is due to my anxiety.

Pedro is like a warm blanket, he is someone I am very comfortable around but I am attracted to him. Pedro is so handsome. I can’t believe he is fifty six because he doesn’t look like it! Pedro is strong, masculine, powerful, sexy. Pedro’s lips are just beautiful.  I have to keep my distance from him.

Pedro has a huge cock his dick is probably about eight and a half to nine inches.

However, I want to meet new men and women and  have new experiences. I think I am tired of gay men. I am tired of the lying, bullshit, mind games. I am also tired of the “let’s be friends after we fucked, kissed, had a relationship for a couple months” crap.

I don’t want to go back into my past. The reason I am in therapy is I am learning to develop strategies to “meet” people “outside” of the sexual arena of the bars, bathhouses, and clubs. I know I am not ready for a relationship and that’s why I am not looking for one.

My main focus right now is on myself.  I have contacted a few gay organizations in Toronto and I am going to see if I can join some gay male support groups. I am also received a phone call from from a woman on Thursday about psychotherapy. Unfortnately, the gay male therapist therapy sessions are at the exact same time I have lectures.

I don’t want to fall for for Pedro again. I know he sees me as his “friend” but he’s my ex.  He is a good person though. It’s just that I don’t want old feelings to surface. The most important question I ask myself is this: “what am I going to get out of being his friend?”

Pedro and I had a relationship not a long one but still there was something there. I have to admit, I am culpable I should not of seen him on Church Street for my birthday. Anyway, I’ve got school to focus on. I have to think about my future. I can’t worry about Pedro. I also got other issues going on right in my life.