Share Your Stories: Can You “Really” Be Friends With An Ex?

Well it’s official, he ” hates” my guts. I think this is the first time in my life someone has ever “hanged up” on me.

I think the saddest part is he was just “waiting” for me to “contact him” so that he can “get back” at me.

My friend Eileen says this is a painful situation and I agree.

I don’t want someone in my life that is intentionally trying to “hurt me”.

When I stopped talking to him in June 2009 I wasn’t trying to hurt him I was just being honest about my feelings.

Now when I think about it, in June I did make the right decision everything is so toxic right now there is no turning back.

I think hanging up on someone is poor phone etiquette and egregious.

I admit I broke the whole “no contact” rule on Friday leaving a phone message. I can’t turn back the clock now. I was curious, and I learned my lesson.

He is younger, he is in his mid twenties, but I don’t think that’s an excuse for acting immature.

I admit this is a part of his personality I find annoying his “immaturity.” I think it’s just a very immature thing to do to hang up on someone.

I recall another ex of mine, there  were some “harsh words” between us,  but we never ” hung up” on each other.

The reason is because we had enough “respect” for the other person to not do something like that.

I just received confirmation early this morning that he doesn’t want to talk.  I will admit, I am culpable to a certain extent.  I just don’t

believe I am the “only one” at fault here.

I believe it takes two to tango.

I felt at times he was “leading me on”, even after we stopped dating he was still buying me gifts and introducing me to his “friends”.

Well, whatever we had is “over” because right now we have nothing.

My sister says I can do better, she says she doesn’t know what I ever saw in him? She says he comes from a “culture” where being gay is just

totally unacceptable and she believes he is going through his own personal crisis in dealing with his sexual orientation.

The real conflict he’s going through is the pressure he has from his family they want to put him into an “arranged marriage”.

Every year he’s getting older and the pressure continues to increase for him.

The last time I saw him in June he was back to smoking weed but I sincerely hope he isn’t “experimenting” with “harder drugs”.

I remember he asked me a couple of times about ecstasy. I remember I told him in the early part of this decade I tried ecstasy with a friend a couple of times. Once we read the newspaper about an acquaintance of ours dying that’s when we stopped using ecstasy in 2001.

My sister she says has ” a lot of issues” and she says  he has a lot of “baggage.”

But don’t we all have baggage and issues?

I am certainly not perfect that’s for sure and anyone that has read this blog for the past two years know this.

But maybe my sister isn’t a good judge because she isn’t attracted to Indian men?

I liked his personality, I thought he was kind, very intelligent,  funny, generous, sensitive, and loving.

He also was always there for me when I needed him.

He had another side of course, since all humans are fallible.

Let me explain, remember the Indian guy I was friends with for seven years? Well it appears the “friendship” is definitely over. He hanged up on me when I called him this morning.

I am still trying to wrap around in my head why he is still so angry at me still?

For almost seven years me and my “pal” we were “just friends”, although there was always “sexual tension” that existed between us. I remember when I visited him once at his York University residence five years ago he made a “sexual advance” at me but I politiely turned him down.

Next, in the Excalibur newspaper office he kissed me.  We decided to “just be friends”.

Flash foward to the summer of 2008 ,we became romantically involved on a hot summer night in Etobicoke we had sex. Maybe the “friendship” ended right there in June 2008 when we decided to have sex?

Sex is an interesting subject, it just “changes” the way you look at a person I guess?

We continued to have sex again in the summer.

In the fall of 2008, the “romantic” relationship fell apart and I told myself “I’ve known this guy for a long time I can just be his friend”.

Well in June 2009, I was thinking that I  needed some “distance” from him. I just felt awkward and “weird”.

The last time I saw him was in June, he took me to a weed bar on Yonge street.

I am not much of a pot smoker but he is a serious pot smoker. He also likes to drink.

Anyway, we argued a lot that night and I just felt things were becoming a bit too unhealthy between us. I didn’t like the fighting I was starting to become resentful and unhappy.

In late June, he called me one night and I said “I think I want to move on with my life”.

Maybe the words just didn’t come out right?

Maybe I should of said “I think I need some distance from you?”

Well he took my statement “literally”.

But when I think about it maybe he felt the same way too?

He said “I can give you some space if that’s what you want?”

I was just silent.

Next, he replied “this seems permanent”.

I did not answer I didn’t know what to say.

He said ” I get it you are dumping me as your friend”. He sounded very hurt and angry on the phone.

He hanged up on me.

So I figured I would leave him alone for the rest of the summer. I didn’t know what to say to him?

I called him Friday night left a message “no response”.

Well, this morning I got the message crystal clear I called his phone, I heard the phone ring and he hung up one me.

Of course, this is a learning experience, and I have learned that sometimes in life when “sex” is involved it can truly ruin a “friendship”.

I “lost” a really good friend. He is a good person he honestly is.

I am definitely not a saint either I am acknowledging this right now.

Wow seven years now gone down the toilet!

I just feel like he was manipulative at times with me and a bit selfish and controlling.

I admit I can be a drama queen, and I can be bitchy and difficult and argumentative.

Although for some people sleeping with a “friend” just makes things “stronger” but this is  is  definitely not my situation.

It seems three months since we last talked he is “very” angry at me.

I just have to accept this although I know it will be hard.

I feel I am getting into a better place in my life. I just got some poetry published, I went to the Toronto International Film Festival with a friend.

I will meet someone new, this is not the end of the world of course. The sky will not fall, the earth will not shake, the world will not collapse.

Although, of course, I admit I miss him. Of course I do. I honestly do.

I will remember the seven years we had together because most of the seven years we shared were “good moments”.

I will recall the “laughter”, the deep dark late night discussions at three in the morning about Indian and African politics.

I Will remember him consoling me when I cried or when he cried.

I will remember his voice, his face, I will not forget him.

I will remember his hairy body next to mine.

I will remember his sweet tongue.

He was a good kisser.

I will remember his brown lips.

I will remember his sensitive touch.

I will remember his  hairy cock.

I will remenber his hairy strong chest.

I will remember when he sucked my balls.

I will remember when I sucked his balls.

I will remember when he said he wanted to “fuck me”.

I will remember when his cock was next to mine.

I guess I just have to accept that we can’t be “just friends”.

How can you be friends with someone you have seen naked?

Seeing the flesh, skin against skin, feeling his body next to mine, feeling his tongue down my throat?

I won’t forget that.

I won’t forget the sex, or the passion, or the lust.

And I don’t think I should.

I can’t be “friends” with someone I was “involved with” it is just

too hard. The emotions are just too “strong” and “intense”.

Sometimes in life things don’t go the way we want it to go.

Maybe when he “hanged up” the phone on me to give me the clear “signal” the “message” that he is “very hurt” and he is “still” angry at me three months since June?

Wow three months since we last talked and he is still angry?

If  anyone has a story you would like to share I would love to hear it.

My experience was a tough one and I anyone wants to tell their story please share it.

My poetry Is Published in the Maple Tree Literary Supplement!!!

I just found out today my poetry has been published in the Canadian online literary journal the Maple Tree Supplement.

Here is the link:

http://www.mtls.ca/issue4/writings-poetry-douglas.php

Movie Review: Huacho Toronto International Film Festival

Yesterday, my friend Eileen and I, watched the  Chilean drama “Huacho” at the Toronto International Film Festival also known as TIFF.

The ticket price was expensive $23 dollars for one ticket! Huacho is not the kind of film that will attract a mainstream audience.

Huacho setting is in Southern Chile. The plot deals with a peasant family that lives in the countryside. The movie is separated into four segments each section deals with one member of the family.

The pace of “Huacho” is very slow, but I felt empathy for this peasant family.

The young boy Manuel, he is ostracized from his peers because he is poor. Manuel wants to “belong”, but the other boys are cruel to him.

For instance, Manuel wants to play soccer but he is not picked to be on a team.

Next, Manuel asks if he can play a video game but the other boys make excuses to exclude him.

Manuel’s mother works in a restaurant but her boss is callous, she lectures her on “learning to maintain” a  checkbook.

The grandmother she sells cheese to tourists on the highway and works  long hours from sunrise to sunset.

Also, the grandfather he works in the fields all day long.

Although Chile is one of the most “developed” nations in South America, there is still disparity between the rich and the poor.

Huacho explores the struggles poor Chilean people, for example, the electricity is cut off  when  bill isn’t paid.

Huacho is an insightful film, it explores poverty in Chile.

However, Huacho is also very depressing, because it isn’t a conventional movie, there is no “happiness” in this film.

I wonder if the filmmakers behind Huacho obtained distribution?

Huacho is a good movie that deserves to reach a wider audience.