Article: Toxic Friendships: Should You Walk Or Stay Away?

Toxic Friends: Should You Stay or Walk Away?

Tough Questions to Ask About Your Toxic Friendship

By Loraine Smith-Hines, published Nov 27, 2007 Published Content: 80  Total Views: 51,759  Favorited By: 4 CPs

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Many people find themselves trapped in toxic friendships because they don’t want to go through the painful process of ending it. They find themselves holding on to a small glimmer of hope that somehow their friend’s behavior will change and the friendship will get better. Of course there’s nothing wrong with hope and optimism, however; at some point the true facts about your toxic friendship must take precedence over the feelings and emotions that become obstacles in your perception of reality.

Let’s face it, if you have been in your toxic friendship for a significant amount of time and your friend’s behavior hasn’t changed for the better or has gotten progressively worse, chances are he/she has no intentions of changing it. Now that’s reality for you! So now what do you do?

You can choose to remain in the friendship and alter your own behavior to accommodate the needs of your toxic friend or you can walk away from the toxicity. Believe me; if you’re spending a lot of emotional time and energy on the drama of your friendship, it’s not even worth risking your mental health for the sake of your toxic friend. Remaining in an unhealthy friendship will most likely cause you more emotional harm than good.

Of course, it would be nice if we could just walk away from the toxic friends that infect our lives and not second guess our reasons for doing so. Unfortunately it’s not always that easy to do. Especially if your toxic friend just happens to be your “very best friend in the whole wide world”. Yeah, it’s like that for some people, their best friend means the world to them despite their toxic behaviors. The thought of having to remove that person from their life can be as devastating as going through a break up with a romantic partner or significant other. For some, ending a close friendship can seem as if their world is literally crashing down on them, especially if they have a rich history with their friend.

If you are having difficulty deciding whether or not end a toxic friendship, you may want to ask yourself a few simple questions:

1. How do I feel after spending time with my friend? Sad, angry, depressed, drained, stressed out, pissed off, etc.

 

2. What am I getting out of the friendship?

3. Does he/she treat me like I want to be treated as a friend? Am I treated with respect or does he/she treat me like crap?

4. Do I feel like I always get the short end of the stick?

5. Does my friend use and abuse the friendship and take advantage of me?

6. Do I ever have to ask myself the question, “Why do I allow him/her to treat me this way?”

7. Do I have uncomfortable/negative feelings about my friend and his/her behavior?

8. Is there reciprocity in my friendship?

9. Why do I continue to put up with my friend’s selfishness?

10. Does my friend consistently lie to me, do I trust my friend, is he/she loyal to me?

These are very important questions and your answers should not be taken for granted. My list of questions is by no means an inclusive list as you may have your own that you constantly ask yourself. Either way, write your questions down and answer them. If your answers are mostly negative; you might want to consider ending the friendship. Seeing your questions and answers in writing might help you decide whether or not the friendship is worth holding onto. Writing down your concerns may also serve as a personal reminder of why you might have to detoxify yourself from your friend. In addition, you may also want to write a list of pros and cons of your friendship. If the cons out weigh the pros, what other proof do you need to make you realize that the friendship may not be worth the continued efforts to make it work? You can’t change your friend’s behavior, you can only change your own. Are you willing to do that in order to save a toxic friendship?

If you would like to share your toxic friendship story, please visit my website at www.toxicfriendship.org and click on one of my survey links.

 

Deciding to end a close friendship can be just as difficult as going through the process of actually ending it; even if it’s a toxic one. So what do you do when you’re faced with the sometimes tough decision of whether or not to remain in a toxic friendship or walk away from it?