Is Marriage Really An Option?

One topic a lot of gay men don’t want to discuss is the issue around bisexual men entering the gay male social sphere. There is indeed some friction between gay men and bisexual men due to mistrust. Some gays men believe the bisexual men are just in denial about their true sexual orientation. I believe male bisexuality does exist. Even some heterosexual women have a distrust for bisexual men they don’t believe a man can truly be bisexual.

I believe sexuality is fluid and a continuum there is no on or off switch. I am sure there are men that are sexually attracted to both sexes and are not “confused”. Women wonder why some men that have sex with men get married but society is part to blame. Maybe some of these men that marry women truly are bisexual and they want to have children and also form relationships with the opposite sex?

Even in Canada despite the social barriers around male homosexuality breaking down an invisible barrier still exists. The message the mainstream society sends about male homosexuality is that it is still immoral and wrong. Same Sex Marriage may be legal in Canada but for some gay men gay marriage is simply not an option. Even for bisexual men they may not be interested in gay marriage either.

I never jumped on the whole gay marriage bandwagon I have zero interest. I believe the mainstream media always attempted to find the most boring oatmeal gay couples that conformed to compulsory heterosexuality. I recall the news reports about the gay couples that lived in the picturesque houses, windswept streets, with green manicured lawns, antique furniture, and the little miniature toy dog running around the house. The message was a Hallmark card screaming “we are just like everyone else”.

Is this really true though? Are gay people just like heterosexual people? Of course in some aspects gays and straights are similar we are human beings that all want love and compassion.

However, I always felt that society still has a distrust for male homosexuality there is a dirty residue that exists. Maybe I don’t want to be like Bill and Bob and live in downtown Toronto in my huge house and live the oatmeal raisin bread life mimicking heterosexuality. Maybe I want to be the dirty slut and whore that lives life on my own terms that sends a fuck you salute to society.

Gay marriage in Canada has of course provided benefits for gay couples and more equilibrium between heterosexuals and homosexual couples in Canada. The reasons gay people want to get married are indeed legitimate for financial and also ethical concerns. The issue of spousal benefits, wills, even visiting a partner in the hospital are important to gay couples. There is also the social affirmation that a gay marriage and relationship is not inferior, abhorrent, or deleterious it is based on real love. I do believe if gay couples want to marry they deserve the right to. However, the whole hysteria around gay marriage never interested me at all. Perhaps it is due to my age? I don’t know? I do know that a marriage is a contract it isn’t just about “love”.

I honestly can’t say if I am ever going to get married or not. I don’t know if I would want to marry another man anyway.  Isn’t love enough? I believe Same Sex marriage has become too political and the love aspect has been diminished. A marriage shouldn’t be about politics. I haven’t met anyone yet that I truly believe I would want to marry anyway. I’ve had a few relationships that never became anything serious. The last guy I went out with a few years ago he was twice my age that’s a long story. I’m not getting into today. Anyway, Marriage is not just a piece of paper it is an agreement to honor your partner with love and devotion.

A few days ago I was on the internet and I noticed a lot of ads on a gay male website posted by married men. The interesting issue about married men is some of these guys believe declaring that they are married is a badge of honor. The married label is a way for these men to state they aren’t really “gay”. My opinion is if I know a man is married I don’t want to meet or talk to him. I always ask the men I am interested in if they are married or not. I always ask because I want to know this is my personal choice. It isn’t about being noble or anything it is just a way for me to figure out what my options are. I am just not interested in all that drama and baggage. Why should I deal with a man that wants his cake and eat it to?

However, for some gay men they appear to get a rush a real sexual charge knowing a man is “married”. I think for some gay men have the ideology they can “pleasure” a married man better then his wife can. Some gay men have the fantasy that they are better lovers then the heterosexual spouse and eventually the married man will leave his wife for his gay lover. However, it rarely happens because most married men never leave their wives. Who wants to be the other lover? Why would anyone want to be the other man on the side? An alternative argument is that the married men on the gay websites are being honest to a certain extent because they are letting gay men know they are indeed not single.

I think it is a false sense of sincerity though. I squirm when I watch television and I see these married men attempt to rationalize why they cruise on gay websites. Why lie to a gay man and claim you aren’t married when you really are? Why marry a woman and lie to her? Why waste a woman’s time? I can understand why women are angry and pissed when they find out their husbands are cruising online on gay websites. All the wife needs to do is check the history section on the computer and she can easily find out exactly where her husband has been surfing the internet anyway. I honestly believe if a woman thinks her man is gay chances are he probably is. If you have that gut instinct that feeling that your man isn’t tell you the truth you just know. Also, a confrontation is necessary and check to see if the guy becomes visibly nervous.